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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph below shows the hours of teaching per year done by each teacher in four different countries in 2001. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the hours of teaching per year done by each teacher in four different countries in 2001. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#hours #year #teacher #four #countries #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The graph gives data about
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 number of
hours
Use synonyms
 of teachers for 3 types of
schools
Use synonyms
 in the USA,
Spain
Use synonyms
, Iceland and
Japan
Use synonyms
 in 2001.
Overall
Linking Words
, It is an obvious fact that the USA was the first place for all three
schools
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
Japan
Use synonyms
,
Spain
Use synonyms
 and Iceland were equal to one another for primary
schools
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 the graph, the ratios of
hours
Use synonyms
 were 600 both at primary and secondary
schools
Use synonyms
 in
Japan
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, these ratios were the same in
Spain
Use synonyms
. Teaching
hours
Use synonyms
 for upper secondary
schools
Use synonyms
 sections were about 620 in
Japan
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 rate was equal to 1000 in
Spain
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 number of
hours
Use synonyms
 of educators at secondary and upper secondary
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 800 ,
however
Linking Words
, the rate of
hours
Use synonyms
 at primary
schools
Use synonyms
 was lower by 200 than
these
Change preposition
in these
show examples
 sections in Iceland.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, a number of primary
schools
Use synonyms
 were the first place with about 880 in the USA. Turning
hours
Use synonyms
 at secondary and upper secondary
schools
Use synonyms
, the former was roughly 1020 and the latter approximately 1080
hours
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by ismayilovemin530 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, schools, spain, japan with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratios" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • annual hours of teaching
  • teaching workload
  • educational systems
  • teacher-student ratio
  • significantly
  • slightly
  • noticeably
  • gap
  • highest/lowest number of hours
  • compare
  • contrast
  • reflect
  • variations
  • distribution of teaching hours
  • average
  • respectively
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