Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behavior. What is your opinion? Write at least 250 words

#people #violence #television #computer #games #effect #society #factors #influence #behavior

The argument over whether the violence in computer games and on TV could

bring

Verb problem

have

show examples

negative effects on our society has not been settled yet.

Whereas

Remove the comma

apply

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many scientific articles have

been

Unnecessary verb

apply

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proven that our

behavior

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behaviour

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has been

change

Change the verb form

changing

changed

show examples

by the use of that devices, another bunch of people don’t want or try to accept

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

reality. It is a truism to state that they have been influencing us since we have been using them,

such

copy

Wrong verb form

copying

show examples

the actions they see on television and violence in media.

Firstly

, I believe that if you usually spend a lot of hours in front of the TV, news, television shows, movies and a bunch of programs are going to influence

Change preposition

apply

show examples

you in some way. Our

behavior

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behaviour

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tends to copy and be influenced by all we are exposed

Change preposition

to.

show examples

For instance

, when you are so keen on

violence

Replace the word

violent

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videogames

Correct your spelling

video games

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, there is a tendency to get

an aggressive thoughts

Correct the article-noun agreement

aggressive thoughts

an aggressive thought

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, conduct and attitudes.

Secondly

, nowadays we are completely connected by media and

that’s has

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that has

show examples

advantages and drawbacks.

This

implies that

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apply

show examples

all the people could contact you or replay the message you left on your timeline Twitter in a good or

on the contrary

in a bad way, which is what more often we must face

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

In other words

, unfortunately, fake profiles, bullies, haters and many more offenders are the guilty ones

to create

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creating

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that aggressiveness

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show examples

social media society, not allowing people to be free to express or post what each one really

wants

Correct subject-verb agreement

want

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To sum up

, the factors that we have mentioned in the present essay,

undoubtably

Correct your spelling

undoubtedly

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they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

have a significant influence on people’s

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

, producing a huge change for the worse in our conduct.

Submitted by anabeldlcpallaress on Sun Sep 03 2023

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

280 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

proliferation
desensitize
empathetic response
aggressive behavior
formative years
impressionable
catharsis
media psychology
mixed results
family environment
genetics
regulatory bodies
rating systems
vulnerable demographics
inappropriate content

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Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behavior. What is your opinion? Write at least 250 words

Fully explain your ideas

what should you do to restore and develop the traditional activities in your town?

Financial education should be included as a mandatory subject in schools to prepare students for managing money effectively. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Millions of dollars are spent on space research every year. Some people argue that the money should be spent on improving living standards on Earth. Do you agree or disagree?

Overpopulation in many major urban centers around the world is a major problem. What are the causes of this? How can this problem be solved?