IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people believe that children that commit crimes should be punished. Others think the parents should be punished instead. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #crimes #parents
There can be little doubt that crimes committed by young
people
 are a difficult issue in modern society. I contend that
parents
 should be responsible for the crimes committed by their
children
, despite those who believe that
children
 should be punished in order to let them feel regret and become better
people
 in the future. It is vital to understand that
children
 should not be punished because of their limited perception. A case in point is the growth of a child's perception, which relies on their parent's actions could make them become rude .
Therefore
, it is not difficult to understand why
parents
 should be punished and responsible for their
children
's crimes.
Consequently
,
children
's lack of awareness can lead to uncivilized actions in society
such
 as robbery, cybercrime or becoming blackmailers.
However
, some
people
 say that
children
 should be disciplined in order to make them become good
people
 and never commit a crime again.
This
 point may be true, but their family should know that
children
 are likely to imitate their
parents
, who would be role models in their
children
's eyes.
This
 writer believes that the punishment of
parents
 should be enforced.
This
 is
due to
 the habitat surrounding
children
 will be better leading to a brighter future for their
children
.
This
 is the reason why
parents
 should take care of their
children
, they
also
 should take responsibility for them .
Thus
, it can be seen that are
children
 likely to be dependent on and imitate their
parents
.
Hence
,
parents
 should try to be a good person and become a role-model in their eyes.

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task response
Address both views in a more balanced manner, citing specific examples for each perspective.
coherence cohesion
The essay has adequate logical structure, but the introduction and conclusion could be more developed to provide a stronger framework for the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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