IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

79.Some people think that the best way to reduce the time spent in travelling to work is to replace parks and gardens close to the city center with apartment buildings for commuters. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is argued that replacing
parks
Use synonyms
 and
gardens
Use synonyms
 which are close to the city centre with
buildings
Use synonyms
 is the best way to reduce the time that individuals spend travelling to work.
This
Linking Words
 essay completely disagrees with
this
Linking Words
 statement because it is not a healthy decision and
people
Use synonyms
 will still travel to other
places
Use synonyms
. Many countries’ cities are full of cars and
buildings
Use synonyms
, with just some green spaces, because of the large number of vehicles that are on the roads, the quality of the
air
Use synonyms
 is very poor,
then
Linking Words
 if the only green spaces are changed to
buildings
Use synonyms
,
then
Linking Words
 the
air
Use synonyms
 quality is going to get worse.
This
Linking Words
 leads to health problems since individuals will be breathing bad-quality
air
Use synonyms
, and
this
Linking Words
 can cause respiratory-related problems.
For example
Linking Words
, in the
last
Linking Words
 decades, the cases of asthma in Europe have increased compared with the past, and
this
Linking Words
 is because of the poor quality of
air
Use synonyms
, and the increasing contamination. The
parks
Use synonyms
 and
gardens
Use synonyms
 are
places
Use synonyms
 where
people
Use synonyms
 go to rest and enjoy the time with the environment, they are the only
places
Use synonyms
 where citizens can breathe fresher
air
Use synonyms
, because of the large amount of trees and flowers.
Then
Linking Words
, if these
places
Use synonyms
 are changed to
buildings
Use synonyms
 when
people
Use synonyms
 want to go to
parks
Use synonyms
, they need to spend more time travelling to get to one of these
places
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Spain, there are many
gardens
Use synonyms
 and
parks
Use synonyms
 in the city centre, but if these all are changed to
buildings
Use synonyms
,
then
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 need to travel to the outside of their town, where there are forests and mountains. In conclusion, changing
gardens
Use synonyms
 and
parks
Use synonyms
 into apartments for commuters will increase
air
Use synonyms
 pollution, causing problems in
people
Use synonyms
’s health and individuals will need to travel longer distances if they want to relax in natural environments, I,
therefore
Linking Words
, believe that replacing
gardens
Use synonyms
 and
parks
Use synonyms
 into
buildings
Use synonyms
 is a negative development.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Supported Main Points
Ensure every main point is well-supported with specific examples and detailed explanations. While your essay contained relevant examples, some parts could benefit from more detail to enhance clarity and persuasiveness.
Clear Comprehensive Ideas
To maintain task achievement, it's critical to address all parts of the prompt thoroughly. Your response was complete, though a few more comprehensive ideas could solidify your argument.
Logical Structure
Employ a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing techniques to enhance the logical flow of the essay. Though overall coherent, improvement could help in connecting ideas more effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • commuters
  • urban areas
  • housing availability
  • alleviating housing crises
  • public transport
  • traffic congestion
  • environmental health
  • biodiversity
  • recreational
  • mental health benefits
  • urban heat islands
  • green lungs
  • community interaction
  • cohesion
  • innovative urban planning
  • multi-use buildings
What to do next:
Look at other essays: