79.Some people think that the best way to reduce the time spent in travelling to work is to replace parks and gardens close to the city center with apartment buildings for commuters. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #time #work #parks #gardens #city #center #apartment #buildings #commuters

It is argued that replacing

parks

and

gardens

which are close to the city centre with

buildings

is the best way to reduce the time that individuals spend travelling to work.

This

essay completely disagrees with

this

statement because it is not a healthy decision and

people

will still travel to other

places

. Many countries’ cities are full of cars and

buildings

, with just some green spaces, because of the large number of vehicles that are on the roads, the quality of the

air

is very poor,

then

if the only green spaces are changed to

buildings

then

the

air

quality is going to get worse.

This

leads to health problems since individuals will be breathing bad-quality

air

, and

this

can cause respiratory-related problems.

For example

, in the

last

decades, the cases of asthma in Europe have increased compared with the past, and

this

is because of the poor quality of

air

, and the increasing contamination. The

parks

and

gardens

are

places

where

people

go to rest and enjoy the time with the environment, they are the only

places

where citizens can breathe fresher

air

, because of the large amount of trees and flowers.

Then

, if these

places

are changed to

buildings

when

people

want to go to

parks

, they need to spend more time travelling to get to one of these

places

For instance

, in Spain, there are many

gardens

and

parks

in the city centre, but if these all are changed to

buildings

then

people

need to travel to the outside of their town, where there are forests and mountains. In conclusion, changing

gardens

and

parks

into apartments for commuters will increase

air

pollution, causing problems in

people

’s health and individuals will need to travel longer distances if they want to relax in natural environments, I,

therefore

, believe that replacing

gardens

and

parks

into

buildings

is a negative development.

Submitted by elenazheng1211 on Sat Nov 11 2023

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Supported Main Points

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Clear Comprehensive Ideas

To maintain task achievement, it's critical to address all parts of the prompt thoroughly. Your response was complete, though a few more comprehensive ideas could solidify your argument.

Logical Structure

Employ a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing techniques to enhance the logical flow of the essay. Though overall coherent, improvement could help in connecting ideas more effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

311 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

commuters
urban areas
housing availability
alleviating housing crises
public transport
traffic congestion
environmental health
biodiversity
recreational
mental health benefits
urban heat islands
green lungs
community interaction
cohesion
innovative urban planning
multi-use buildings

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79.Some people think that the best way to reduce the time spent in travelling to work is to replace parks and gardens close to the city center with apartment buildings for commuters. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Fully explain your ideas

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