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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#proportion #population #three #countries #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The given line
graph
Use synonyms
 illustrates the proportion of the elderly population aged 65 and over in three other countries within a century (1940-2040).
Overall
Linking Words
, the
graph
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 makes it clear that at the beginning of the given
time
Add a comma
,time
show examples
 the percentage of elderly citizens was the lowest in
Japan
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 indicators which depict the
USA
Use synonyms
 are vice versa. The illustrates show that, in 1940 the number of old people was almost 10 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in the
USA
Use synonyms
 and
Sweden
Use synonyms
 respectively
whereas
Linking Words
 it was classified as only 5 per
cent
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 in
Japan
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. By comparing others, there, in
Use synonyms
Japan
Add a comma
,Japan
show examples
 there was a slight increase which continued in the next 60 years and after the 2000s it started going up more and more.
That is
Linking Words
 the fact that
this
Linking Words
 growth will continue growing and in 2040 it will have already been more than 25 per
cent
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.
That is
Linking Words
 the most sharpened change, which is seen from the
graph
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, which leads
Japan
Use synonyms
 to be at the top of the list. Between the given time
1940
Correct your spelling
1940s
,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 1990s the increases in numbers continued in both (the
USA
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 and
Sweden
Use synonyms
). Throughout the time, percentages of the
USA
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 left behind
Sweden
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 by only 2,3 per
cent
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. After 2000, numbers in
Sweden
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 jumped,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
 it never took over
Japan
Use synonyms
 again. The
USA
Use synonyms
 will have completed the list by just under 25 per
cent
Use synonyms
 which is the least in the
graph
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.
Submitted by tukezaliyeva96 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "that is".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words graph, japan, usa, cent, sweden with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "illustrates" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • aging population
  • proportion
  • elderly
  • significant increase
  • surpass
  • gradual increase
  • crucial period
  • rapid increase
  • healthcare advancements
  • lower birth rates
  • projections
  • adjustments in social services
  • demographic dynamics
  • lifestyle choices
  • trends
  • notable
  • potentially
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