Scientists agree that many people eat too much junk food and it is damaging their health. Some people think that this problem can be solved by educating people, while others believe that education will not work. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#scientists #people #junk #food #health #education #work

Nowadays,

this

is evident that individuals eat too much bad food and scientists agree with

this

opinion.

Also

, there are two points of view on

this

problem. The first group reckons that governments or global organisations have to launch a program which will educate people about healthy nutrition.

However

, the second group believes that

education

will be useless. From my perspective, I do not have a concrete position. So, in

this

essay

Add a comma

essay,

show examples

I will

further

explore

this

thought-provoking issue. On the one hand, it is very good when you know more about your digestive processes and

diet

Firstly

, when you know more in general you

also

know about all harmful consequences.

In other words

, something can scare you and you will understand that having a healthy lifestyle and a balanced

diet

is better than eating whatever you want.

On the other hand

, in order to change people’s minds entirely, the

education

process should start from childhood.

For example

this

program should be included in school

education

programs.

In contrast

, if an adult decided to educate himself it would be less useful than the child would start to learn about all of it.

Furthermore

, today almost all adults are busy they work a lot and have little free time.

As a result

, it is a small percentage that these adults will decide to spend their free time on these lectures about a balanced

diet

. In conclusion,educating society about a healthy

diet

is great.

Nevertheless

, just creating extra lessons or various webinars will be useless. Well, from my point of view, we need to start educating people about nutrition from childhood. Authority has to create a special lesson about nutrition and add it to the school

education

program.

Submitted by slobodanatol83 on Mon Sep 04 2023

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Task Response

The introduction and conclusion are present but need to be clearer and more focused. Ensure that the essay fully addresses the question and presents clear and comprehensive ideas.

Coherence and Cohesion

The logical structure of the essay is generally clear, but there are areas where the coherence and cohesion can be improved, especially in connecting the ideas within paragraphs. Make sure to use cohesive devices to link ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay.

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

286 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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