IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that the price increase of fattening foods will solve this problem. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#people #price #foods
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
At the present time, it can be easily seen that most
people
Use synonyms
 are overweight. To control
this
Linking Words
 issue increment in fatty
food
Use synonyms
 can be one of the ways
according to
Linking Words
 the question. But, I don't agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion and my view will be elaborated on in the subsequent paragraphs. The idea to increase the fattening
food
Use synonyms
price
Use synonyms
 can be the reason to reduce
this
Linking Words
 type of
food
Use synonyms
 consumption but it can affect society in other ways like difficulty for those
people
Use synonyms
 who really need it. It can result in out-of-reach for poor
people
Use synonyms
. For example, fatty
food
Use synonyms
 can be very important for skinny
people
Use synonyms
 to gain weight and increasing costs will affect their budget.
Also
Linking Words
 increasing the
price
Use synonyms
 of junk
food
Use synonyms
 or fatty
food
Use synonyms
 can reduce the market of
this
Linking Words
 kind of
food
Use synonyms
 and will bring the market down for those
people
Use synonyms
 who are getting direct income from
this
Linking Words
 sector. Farmers or restaurant owners can be the
people
Use synonyms
 who can be affected more with compared to others. Increasing the fatty
food
Use synonyms
price
Use synonyms
 can affect in another way nowadays so many charity works are going on by many NGOs and
people
Use synonyms
 who really want to help others, are providing
food
Use synonyms
 for free. so once the
price
Use synonyms
 is increased charity work may be reduced and needy
people
Use synonyms
 will not be able to get
food
Use synonyms
 and will need to suffer in daily life.
To conclude
Linking Words
, my opinion is increasing the cost of
food
Use synonyms
 never can be a good idea as it can result in unaffordable for the poor
people
Use synonyms
Submitted by virdidaman7068 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion clearly outline your main points and your stance on the issue. This will help to provide a stronger and more cohesive structure to your essay.
task achievement
Make sure to fully address the task prompt by presenting a more comprehensive and balanced view of the topic. Provide specific examples and detailed explanations to support your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • fattening foods
  • calorie-dense
  • healthier food choices
  • taxation
  • economic implications
  • social implications
  • subsidies
  • nutritional education
  • public health campaigns
  • nanny state
  • individual's right
  • consumer behavior
  • preventative measures
What to do next:
Look at other essays: