Nowadays, in many countries people are spending too much on wedding some people think that it is essential to spend huge amount of money on wedding celebration. Other thing that have to be simple and not very grand discuss both views and give your opinion.

#countries #people #amount #money #celebration

In modern human society, numerous citizens argue that the majority of consumers are convinced by commercials in order to purchase more

product

Fix the agreement mistake

products

show examples

However

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

others agree that we are no longer interested in advertisements which are no

Rephrase

longer

show examples

crucial

Change preposition

From

show examples

my perspective,

Change the capitalization

show examples

strongly agree with the first statement which will

further

Add a missing verb

be further

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explained in

this

essay On the one hand, enterprises hire celebrities to advertise their

products

such

as corporation

clear shampoo

Correct your spelling

Clear Shampoo

show examples

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

collaborate

Wrong verb form

collaborated

show examples

with

cristiano

Change the capitalization

Cristiano

show examples

ronaldo soccer player to advertise their new

products

which have

fragrant

Correct article usage

a fragrant

show examples

variety.

Furthermore

,through advertisement companies can cause curiosity in

customers

.So that

customers

can be well-informed of both new

products

and attractive deals regarding the

products

they are interested in.

For example

, Lay’s advertises when

customers

purchase

snack

Fix the agreement mistake

snacks

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they can obtain cards.

On the other hand

, covid-19 has caused the global economy into recession.So people decide to save money

instead

of going shopping.

Therefore

, they share the same thought that advertising is pointless and unnecessary even though it is widely shown.On many social media

such

as TV,

website

Fix the agreement mistake

websites

show examples

and

youtube

Correct your spelling

YouTube

show examples

.there is recent research conducted by

Vietnamese

Correct article usage

the Vietnamese

show examples

government found that 70

percentage

Replace the word

per cent

show examples

of citizens in Vietnam chose saving in 2021. In conclusion,

although

covid-19

Correct your spelling

COVID-19

show examples

is over

but

Remove the conjunction

apply

show examples

customers

no longer paying attention to

advertise

Wrong verb form

advertising

show examples

like before

Submitted by jakelong16091994 on Tue Sep 05 2023

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

205 words

<40

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
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Nowadays, in many countries people are spending too much on wedding some people think that it is essential to spend huge amount of money on wedding celebration. Other thing that have to be simple and not very grand discuss both views and give your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Most young people without a partner would prefer to have a boyfriend or girlfriend. Yet being in a relationship when you are young is not always a good idea. As part of a class project, write about whether you agree or disagree. Give reasons for your choices.

Some people believe that it is better to spend more money to eliminate the cause of the crime, while others think that the government should spend more on punishment. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that spending a lot on holding wedding parties, birthday parties and other celebrations is just a waste of money. Others, however, think that these are necessary for individuals and the society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

A lot of companies and organizations require employees to wear uniforms. Which kind of jobs are uniforms suitable for? Are there any disadvantages to wearing a uniform to work?

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?