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Band 3.5

Many feel that going to the gym is the best way to stay fit. Others think there are more effective methods

#gym #methods
While
 many
people
 believe that doing exercises at the
gym
 is better to keep fit than other
methods
, both of these statements
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 own benefits,
however
, I personally think that
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 effective
methods
 have more advantages. It is true that the
gym
 has
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
show examples
fitness
Change preposition
of fitness
show examples
 equipment to serve
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
demand
Correct subject-verb agreement
demands
show examples
. To illustrate,
treadmill
Fix the agreement mistake
treadmills
show examples
, abdominal exercise
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 and other specialized exercise machines are frequently used in
gym
Fix the agreement mistake
gyms
show examples
. These machines contribute to
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
show examples
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 muscles,
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
 to keep in shape for woman.
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
show examples
, instructors at the
gym
 can give
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
 diet information. They are the
people
 who understand clearly the diet and the muscles, so
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 who join the
gym
 will have a free consultation.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 side, I hold the belief that other
methods
 can bring the same experience as going to the
gym
.
Firstly
, running, walking or cycling can support mental health better than going to the
gym
.
As these
Correct word choice
These
show examples
 exercises provide
people
 a fresh air and space to relax their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
.
Secondly
,
people
 do not need to pay
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
 when they do sports like the
gym
. They can save a mount of money but still
able
Add a missing verb
be able
show examples
 to keep fit.
To sum up
, going to the
gym
 or
do
Wrong verb form
doing
show examples
 effective
methods
 always provides good health for
people
,
however
,
another
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
I believe
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
methods
 have more advantages.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical well-being
  • prime option
  • structured exercise routines
  • professional equipment
  • fostering an environment
  • motivation and discipline
  • counter-argument
  • outdoor activities
  • home workouts
  • cost-effectiveness
  • social and emotional satisfaction
  • team sports
  • hybrid approach
  • holistic approach
  • comprehensive benefits
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