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Band 4

The most important consideration when choosing any career or job is having a high income, to what extent do you agree or disagree?

#consideration #career #job #income
We live in a
mterialistic
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materialistic
 world
which
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in which
show examples
 everything is related to money. Some individuals believe that having a satisfying salary is the most
considerable
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important
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 thing that everyone pays attention to
it
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apply
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when they want to choose their career. I
compeletly
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completely
 agree with
this
 statement and I believe that daily wage should
prioretize
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prioritize
 to other
cruical
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crucial
critical
 factors
such
 as a friendly and
convinient
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convenient
 workplace. Some people advocate that the effect of a friendly environment and job safety are more critical than salary because we spend most of our efficient daily time in the workplace, so we need to stay mentally healthy.
However
, we live in a modern society and developmental technologies are implemented in all aspects of our lives.
For instance
, some technological items
such
 as smartphones and laptops are two
unsepratable
Correct your spelling
inseparable
 parts of our career. These
electronical
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electronic
 gadgets require big amounts of money to purchase.
Furthermore
, children have compared themselves with their peers in the case of clothes and stationery.
َ
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Additionally
Additionally
,teenagers need some extracurricular activities
such
 as
sport
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sports
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 and music classes, so parents should have satisfying salaries to
affoard
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afford
 these requirements.
Moreover
, in some developing countries,
such
 as Africa, the price of accommodation and vehicles are
incredibley
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incredibly
 high and there are not enough job opportunities.
Therefore
, in these situations, people are ready to do whatever they can to provide primary supplements for their family members. In conclusion,
although
 there are some factors that should be considered
about
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apply
show examples
the choosing
career
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a career
show examples
, I think that daily wages are the most vital part because money is the initial part of our safety in
thechnological
Correct your spelling
the technological
 generation.
Submitted by shima.majidansari on

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Task Response
Ensure a clear position is taken at the start of the essay, followed by a balanced argument that explores both perspectives.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a more varied range of cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs more effectively.
Lexical Resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and coherently. Avoid repetition of words.
Grammatical Range
Pay attention to sentence structure and use a wider variety of grammatical structures to demonstrate a better command of grammar.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • job satisfaction
  • long-term happiness
  • personal fulfillment
  • financial stability
  • passion
  • quality of life
  • work-life balance
  • career advancement
  • societal impact
  • income disparity
  • material success
  • monetary compensation
  • wealth accumulation
  • economic well-being
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