The most important consideration when choosing any career or job is having a high income, to what extent do you agree or disagree?

#consideration #career #job #income

We live in a

mterialistic

Correct your spelling

materialistic

world

which

Change preposition

in which

show examples

everything is related to money. Some individuals believe that having a satisfying salary is the most

considerable

Correct word choice

important

show examples

thing that everyone pays attention to

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

when they want to choose their career. I

compeletly

Correct your spelling

completely

agree with

this

statement and I believe that daily wage should

prioretize

Correct your spelling

prioritize

to other

cruical

Correct your spelling

crucial

critical

factors

such

as a friendly and

convinient

Correct your spelling

convenient

workplace. Some people advocate that the effect of a friendly environment and job safety are more critical than salary because we spend most of our efficient daily time in the workplace, so we need to stay mentally healthy.

However

, we live in a modern society and developmental technologies are implemented in all aspects of our lives.

For instance

, some technological items

such

as smartphones and laptops are two

unsepratable

Correct your spelling

inseparable

parts of our career. These

electronical

Correct your spelling

electronic

gadgets require big amounts of money to purchase.

Furthermore

, children have compared themselves with their peers in the case of clothes and stationery.

Correct your spelling

Additionally

,teenagers need some extracurricular activities

such

sport

Fix the agreement mistake

sports

show examples

and music classes, so parents should have satisfying salaries to

affoard

Correct your spelling

afford

these requirements.

Moreover

, in some developing countries,

such

as Africa, the price of accommodation and vehicles are

incredibley

Correct your spelling

incredibly

high and there are not enough job opportunities.

Therefore

, in these situations, people are ready to do whatever they can to provide primary supplements for their family members. In conclusion,

although

there are some factors that should be considered

about

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the choosing

career

Correct article usage

a career

show examples

, I think that daily wages are the most vital part because money is the initial part of our safety in

thechnological

Correct your spelling

the technological

generation.

Submitted by shima.majidansari on Wed Sep 06 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response

Ensure a clear position is taken at the start of the essay, followed by a balanced argument that explores both perspectives.

Coherence and Cohesion

Use a more varied range of cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs more effectively.

Lexical Resource

Expand your range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and coherently. Avoid repetition of words.

Grammatical Range

Pay attention to sentence structure and use a wider variety of grammatical structures to demonstrate a better command of grammar.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

262 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Download Free PDF
11 Most Commonly Used English Expressions »

Topic Vocabulary:

financial security
job satisfaction
long-term happiness
personal fulfillment
financial stability
passion
quality of life
work-life balance
career advancement
societal impact
income disparity
material success
monetary compensation
wealth accumulation
economic well-being

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

<4
band
Nowadays many students are participating in international exchange trips. Is this a positive or a negative development?
This line graph show us the changes in the count and type of fast food consumed by Australian teenagers.It is clear from the graph that there is two types of food increase respectively over the years and the third one was dropped over the years.
5.5
band
Some people think that robots are important for human future development. Others believe that robots has negative effects on society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Robot technology is evolving more in this modern era, which creates a sense of insecurity among certain groups because they believe it can be a threat to humanity in various aspects. However, some argue it can help humankind to achieve more success than ever before. From my perspective, it will bring more good than harm.
5.5
band
In many countries nowadays, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Food is one of the main factors in human life. It is not only for people's nutrition but it also part of the world's economic product that can determine the economy in many countries. As a result, the money will rotate in the country if the population can consume and produce the products by themselves. So buying consumer goods from abroad can affect to country's money. On the other hand, this makes people's lives easier, more convenient, and allows them can try new things.
4.5
band
the rise of social media has affected personal relationships and society as a whole. Do the advantages of using social media for communication outweigh the disadvantages?
In today's digital age, many people tend to use information technology for many purpose so utiliing social media become a hot topic as well. This author argues that the metrits of connecting different communities and updating news on social media outweigh the drawback of social media distraction.
6.5
band
Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now 'one big traffic jam'. How true do you think this statement is? What measures can governments take to discourage people from using their cars
In developing cities, demand for car possession has been increasing day by day over the past three decades. Although it is undoubtedly accurate data, the government should increase specific public transport for each company.

The most important consideration when choosing any career or job is having a high income, to what extent do you agree or disagree?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Nowadays many students are participating in international exchange trips. Is this a positive or a negative development?

Some people think that robots are important for human future development. Others believe that robots has negative effects on society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In many countries nowadays, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

the rise of social media has affected personal relationships and society as a whole. Do the advantages of using social media for communication outweigh the disadvantages?

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now 'one big traffic jam'. How true do you think this statement is? What measures can governments take to discourage people from using their cars