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Band 6.5

In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard on their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

#countries #people #leisure #time #pressure #work #studies
There is no doubt that having some
leisure
time
 during studying reenergizes the brain to continue working efficiently.
However
,
students
 in some countries are under extreme burden to
study
 hard and
therefore
, they have minimal
leisure
time
. The possible reasons for
this
 trend
as well as
 suggested solutions will be discussed in detail. One possible reason for
students
 to face a lot of
pressure
 to work hard on their education with no
time
 off would be the high cost of education.
For instance
, expensive courses put a financial burden on families and
students
 which forces the
students
 to try hard to complete these courses successfully and quickly.
As a result
, these
students
 ignore the need for some spare
time
 and focus on their
study
 work. Another possible reason would be the amount of
study
 materials which is becoming extensive for a short semester.
Consequently
,
this
 strain leaves no choice for
students
 except to
study
 as hard as possible to be able to finish
this
 material on
time
.
Thus
, it is obvious that these
students
 have no
time
 left to have some
leisure
 activities.
However
, some solutions could be suggested to help solve
this
 problem. One possible solution would be reducing the cost of educational courses in these countries by government funding. By doing
this
, both the
students
 and their families would have less financial
pressure
 and
therefore
 the
students
 could be less stressed during their studies which might enable them to have some free
time
. Another solution would be
study
 groups, If
students
study
 in groups,
then
 each one of the group members could summarize part of the curriculum and share it with the rest of the group.
This
 would save a lot of
time
 for all of the
students
 in the group and as a ,result the amount of
pressure
 would be reduced. These suggestions could help the
students
 to have some
leisure
time
 which is important for them to stay focused. In conclusion, there are many reasons that put the
students
 in some countries under stress and
pressure
 to
study
 hard and leave them no
time
 for
leisure
 activities,
however
, the above-suggested solutions could tackle
this
 problem and allow the
students
 to have some
study
 free
time
 which is essential for them to recharge their energy.
Submitted by keramatparia on

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coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally clear, but there is room for improvement in providing a more balanced and structured argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are somewhat present, but could be expanded and strengthened to provide a more comprehensive overview of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The main points are well supported with relevant examples and explanations. Good use of cohesive devices throughout the essay.
task achievement
The response provides a clear and complete answer to all parts of the question. Ideas are mostly comprehensive and relevant, but could be further developed with more detail and depth.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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