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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart give information about amount of spending on consumer goods.

The bar chart give information about amount of spending on consumer goods.
#bar #information #amount #consumer #goods
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The bar chart illustrates the amount of
money
Use synonyms
 per
thousand
Use synonyms
 pounds
streling
Correct your spelling
sterling
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
spent on consumer goods in 4 countries ( Germany, Italy, France and Britain).
This
Linking Words
 amount of
money
Use synonyms
 was spent on 6 different
categories
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, British and France people spent most of their
money
Use synonyms
 on photografic films,
while
Linking Words
 German and Italian people approximately spent the same amount of
money
Use synonyms
 on all 6 different
categories
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, German individuals spent the lowest
thousand
Use synonyms
 pounds
streling
Correct your spelling
sterling
 on all 6 groups. British people had the highest percentage of expenditure in all different
categories
Use synonyms
 with almost 155
thousand
Use synonyms
ponds
Correct your spelling
pounds
show examples
 for personal stereos to just over 170
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
ponds
Correct your spelling
pounds
show examples
 for photographic film. France had the same trend with almost 145 for personal stereos and tennis
raquest
Correct your spelling
racquest
 to gradually increased to more than 160 for photographic film.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in the case of Germany and Italy, the
money
Use synonyms
 spent
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 all 6 different
categories
Use synonyms
 in Germany was similar with around 145
thousand
Use synonyms
 ponds and for Italy was between 140 and 160
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
 pond
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 personal stereos, tennis
raquests
Correct your spelling
racquets
requests
, perfumes, CDs, toys and photographic films.
Submitted by shima.majidansari on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words money, thousand, categories with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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