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Band 7

With the improvements in today’s health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed?

#improvements #today’s #health #care #society #people #numbers
The total of elderly
people
 keeps increasing from time to time
along with
 the growth of health facilities. I believe that the increment of old
people
 will not become a big problem as long as the country still has a large portion of young
people
 or adults.
This
 essay will explain several actions that we can take in order to tackle
this
 problem. The first and foremost solution is for
people
 who have elderly among their family members should take
care
 of them. Taking good
care
 of our old parents is a good deed.
Moreover
, it is considered as an act of love to our old parents or grandparents because they have taken
care
 of us when we were children. The second potential solution is to have health insurance that covers elderly needs. We need to choose health insurance that provides not only healthcare for elder
people
 but
also
, caregivers and a place to live with other elderly
people
.
Furthermore
, it is an important step to prepare from the beginning, so that when we get older, we will not bother anyone.
Last
 but not least, we can rely on
government
 but we need to make sure several things before that.
Firstly
, the
government
 should have a regulation on how to take
care
 of old
people
.
Secondly
, the
government
 should already provide a place specifically for elder
people
 to live in, including good facilities, positive environments, and caregivers. In order to do
this
, the
government
 can work
together with
 some non-profit organizations because a lot of them will be willing to take
care
 of old
people
. To put it in a nutshell, I think society will be able to handle the problem of a large number of old
people
 because there are several possible actions that they can take, as long as society still has a bigger number of young
people
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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task response
Ensure that the essay directly addresses all parts of the task question, offering a clear opinion and providing relevant examples to support the arguments. Develop a stronger, more cohesive response by presenting a balanced discussion of the advantages and challenges of caring for the elderly within society. Additionally, consider the impact of healthcare advancements and societal changes on the issue of caring for the elderly.
coherence cohesion
Maintain coherence and cohesion by employing a wider range of linking words and cohesive devices to connect ideas throughout the essay. Improve paragraph transitions to ensure a seamless flow between different points, reinforcing the logical structure of the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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