IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

some people believe that there should be a fixed punishment for each type of crime.Other,however,agrue that the circumstances of an individual crime and the movation for commiting it,should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment.Dicuss both views

#people #punishment #type #crime #agrue #circumstances #movation #account #dicuss
What is the best way to punish for each kind of
crime
 : someone belive that there should be a fixed
punishment
 and others argue that the situation of criminals should always be taken into account when deciding on the
punishment
 .
This
 essay will illstrate that
crime
 should be cosidered to make an decision on the circumstance of an individual
crime
 and the motivation for commiting it. In fact,most of
people
 think that fixed
punishment
 for each type of
crime
 will not be suitable and convincing that if it do not have no change in rule of
punishment
 for each type og
crime
,so some law-breakers will find mistake space in rule
then
 break it and it can make condition well to offend in future.Not at all,some crimes who transgress dangerously will not commit what they do correctly
then
 it not only does not create benefit fell
such
 as equal and convincing to
crime
 and
people
 but
also
 reduce appreciation of goverment. On another arguement is that the
punishment
 should commit the situation of an individual
crime
 suitably.There some ideas which is considered
such
 as : the lawyers should choose rule of
punishment
 suitably on their mistakes , it not only help them with awareness what they do but
also
 make
people
 feel equal and satisfied.
This
 point of view can bring respect for goverment and chastise
crime
 when they offend. In conclusion , The solution is that the lawyers need create punish which suitably for an individual
crime
 is vitual purpose to act
then
 not only become lessons for they to fix their mistakes but
also
 increase the trust of goverment from
people
 .
Submitted by zky1705202 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure. The introduction is weak and the conclusion does not effectively summarize the points. Paragraphs are disjointed and lack coherence.
task response
The essay provides a partial response to the task. It discusses both views, but the arguments are underdeveloped. More specific examples would strengthen the argument.
grammatical range
There are numerous grammatical errors throughout the essay, including article usage, subject-verb agreement, and word choice. The vocabulary is limited and lacks sophistication.
lexical resource
The range of vocabulary is limited and the word choice is often inaccurate. Errors in grammar, punctuation, and sentence structure are prevalent. Focus on developing a more varied range of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: