IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many products that we buy are made in other countries. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this phenomenon!

#products #countries #phenomenon
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It is massively known that the purchase of import
products
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 has been going strong for several years between one
country
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 to another. The bilateral agreements definitely play a role in
this
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 gradual development. Despite being globally conducted,
people
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 are divided
whether
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on whether
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this
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 is the right move to
fulfill
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fulfil
show examples
 the necessities of a
country
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 or not.
Therefore
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,
this
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 essay will discuss the benefits and drawbacks of buying
products
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 made in other countries. Given the beneficial perspective
first,
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most of the public can feel that the
cost
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 of getting
products
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 from overseas
have
Verb problem
is
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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relatively much cheaper
cost
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. Since the production of their needs
are
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is
show examples
 mostly conducted in
bulks
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bulk
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, the companies responsible
to
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for
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 that can save their money and set their price lower than what the in-
country
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 companies would have set.
In addition
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 to that, it is easier to find raw materials in some land compared to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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others,
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subsequently
Add a comma
subsequently,
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 the efficiency of making each
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products
Change to a singular noun
product
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 in terms of production, travel, and time
cost
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 would be so much higher.
However
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, many
people
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 would admit that importing basic needs can
held
Verb problem
hinder
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 the growth of several businesses in their own
country
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. Not only that, it will potentially reduce the motivation
of building
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to build
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 more innovations since the business owners would think that it is impossible to compete
the
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with the
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 vast amount of offshore companies making the same thing
as
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apply
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they want to make.
Additionally
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, importing
products
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 means the delivery time would be longer as the distance between two countries
improve
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improves
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. With that in mind, it is safe to say that the drawbacks are definitely valid for
people
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 to be against the issue. In conclusion, the purchase of
products
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 from
other
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another country
other countries
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country
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 can bring its own advantages and disadvantages. Some
people
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 think that the imports can bring efficiency in terms of
cost
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 and time,
while
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 others believe that it would push down the improvement for a lot of small and medium production houses.
Submitted by mayfa.shadrina on

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task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the main ideas are expanded upon with appropriate support and development.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing to manage the organization of ideas effectively, connecting them in a more logical and fluid manner.
task achievement
Integrate more specific examples to illustrate and substantiate the points made, rather than relying on generic statements.
task achievement
Expand the conclusion to summarize both sides of the argument clearly, reflecting on the implications or giving a balanced consideration of the advantages and disadvantages.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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