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Band 4.5

Many products that we buy are made in other countries. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this phenomenon!

#products #countries #phenomenon
It is massively known that the purchase of import
products
 has been going strong for several years between one
country
 to another. The bilateral agreements definitely play a role in
this
 gradual development. Despite being globally conducted,
people
 are divided
whether
Change preposition
on whether
show examples
this
 is the right move to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 the necessities of a
country
 or not.
Therefore
,
this
 essay will discuss the benefits and drawbacks of buying
products
 made in other countries. Given the beneficial perspective
first,
most of the public can feel that the
cost
 of getting
products
 from overseas
have
Verb problem
is
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
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relatively much cheaper
cost
. Since the production of their needs
are
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is
show examples
 mostly conducted in
bulks
Fix the agreement mistake
bulk
show examples
, the companies responsible
to
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for
show examples
 that can save their money and set their price lower than what the in-
country
 companies would have set.
In addition
 to that, it is easier to find raw materials in some land compared to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others,
subsequently
Add a comma
subsequently,
show examples
 the efficiency of making each
products
Change to a singular noun
product
show examples
 in terms of production, travel, and time
cost
 would be so much higher.
However
, many
people
 would admit that importing basic needs can
held
Verb problem
hinder
show examples
 the growth of several businesses in their own
country
. Not only that, it will potentially reduce the motivation
of building
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to build
show examples
 more innovations since the business owners would think that it is impossible to compete
the
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with the
show examples
 vast amount of offshore companies making the same thing
as
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apply
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they want to make.
Additionally
, importing
products
 means the delivery time would be longer as the distance between two countries
improve
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improves
show examples
. With that in mind, it is safe to say that the drawbacks are definitely valid for
people
 to be against the issue. In conclusion, the purchase of
products
 from
other
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another country
other countries
show examples
country
 can bring its own advantages and disadvantages. Some
people
 think that the imports can bring efficiency in terms of
cost
 and time,
while
 others believe that it would push down the improvement for a lot of small and medium production houses.
Submitted by mayfa.shadrina on

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task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the main ideas are expanded upon with appropriate support and development.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing to manage the organization of ideas effectively, connecting them in a more logical and fluid manner.
task achievement
Integrate more specific examples to illustrate and substantiate the points made, rather than relying on generic statements.
task achievement
Expand the conclusion to summarize both sides of the argument clearly, reflecting on the implications or giving a balanced consideration of the advantages and disadvantages.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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