IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that in near future, the role of teachers will be diminished and they will be replaced by robots and AI. To what extent do you agree?

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In
this
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 globalised
world
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,
technology
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 has begun to cover a bigger part of our lives.
Technology
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 is in banks, hospitals, at parks and even in schools right now. The introduction of
technology
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 into schools has spawned a new debate: will the part of teachers in schools be taken by
robots
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 and AI?
Although
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 many
people
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 do not think so, the number of
people
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 who think it will happen is quite high. I agree with the second group in terms of perfection, innovation and empowerment. Reasons will be given bellow.
Firstly
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, the
technology
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 has been improved unbelievably fast than everybody’s thought.
This
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 can be a reason to give a chance to
technology
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 and
robots
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 in future. After all, during corona-quarantine humankind had to believe what they innovated. All adults spend their time with computers for their works and all children must take online lessons from morning till night. Somehow, they have survived from those times very well thanks to
technology
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 and
robots
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.
Secondly
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,
people
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 are complex creatures with some defects. One of these defects is very important for teaching: remembering. Unfortunately,
people
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 cannot remember everything what they learned in their life compared to
robots
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.
Robots
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 have been programmed to accomplish their goal and for
this
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 they have only the necessary software. Robot teachers will not be tired and not forgot something about their lessons. Their only one goal will be to teaching.
Lastly
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, all person has different types of learning. Some
people
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 can learn visualised, some by hearing and some by reading. There is so many ways of learning and a teacher cannot be able to teach all these types, but
robots
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 can access any information they want thanks to their advanced software.
For example
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,
lastly
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, a robot named Sophia has become so popular, because
this
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 robot is able to speak all languages, make internet research during a conversation and all these craziness happening under five seconds. Long story short, the
world
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 has begun to shrink thanks to
technology
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.
People
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 want to become citizens of
world
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 and the key to globalisation is
technology
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 and
robots
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. Humankind wanting to become citizens of
world
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 is almost ready to get educated by
robots
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.
This
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 will happen any soon.

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logical structure
The essay's logical structure is weak, leading to lack of coherence and cohesion. The introduction and conclusion are present but need improvement. The main points are supported but the development is weak and lacks clarity. The essay needs to address the prompt more directly and provide stronger examples to support the argument.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they need further development and clarity. There is a lack of smooth transition between ideas, and the essay's overall coherence and cohesion would benefit from better organization and linking of ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Artificial Intelligence (AI)
  • Diminished
  • Emotional intelligence
  • Critical thinking
  • Human interaction
  • Technological advancements
  • Educational inequality
  • Complement
  • Societal resistance
  • Ethical considerations
  • Cognitive skills
  • Pedagogy
  • Adaptability
  • Empathy
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