IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

One of widely discussed issues nowadays is the threat of smoking. It is undeniable that the cigarettes have become the common thing in our society. However these days people are willing to continue smoking despite its risk.

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One
Use synonyms
 of the widely discussed problems nowadays is smoking.
Vast
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The vast
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 majority of people know the bad effects of
cigarets
Correct your spelling
cigarettes
.
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However
Add a comma
However,
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 they continue to
smoke
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. In
this
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essay
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essay,
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 I will determine the causes of smoking and give available solutions to solve it.
Firstly
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, the main reason
of
Change preposition
for
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 smoking is addiction. People usually try smoking and think that
one
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Use synonyms
cigaret
Correct your spelling
cigarette
 will not affect
to
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apply
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their addiction and health. But the nicotine which is contained in the
Use synonyms
cigaret
Correct your spelling
cigarette
 directly
influence
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influences
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to
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apply
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our brain, especially
to
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apply
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our neuron connections.
According to
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the
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apply
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recent research
of
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by
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 Istanbul University, smoking
one
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Use synonyms
cigaret
Correct your spelling
cigarette
 daily will kill nearly 7500 healthy neurons which will affect
to
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apply
show examples
peoples
Change noun form
people's
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 memorizing ability. The second cause that might be noted, in my view, is
stress
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. As we know in
contemporary
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the contemporary
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 world the
level
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 of
stress
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 among society is rapidly increasing. Because of that, citizens try to find the easiest way to reduce
stress
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 degree. Someone may do sport, another
one
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 can eat a lot of sweets,
while
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one
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 part of
population
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the population
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 starting to
smoke
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.
As a result
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,
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cigaret
Correct your spelling
cigarette
 consumption
grows
Wrong verb form
has grown
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up
Change preposition
by
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 nearly 20 per cent in the
last
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 decade. To solve the first cause mentioned above government should
to
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apply
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create strict rules relating to
the
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apply
show examples
smoking. All teenagers who
smoke
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 or tried smoking should be punished
in
Change preposition
at
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 the same
level
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.
For instance
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, teenagers who try to
smoke
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 must pay a fine,
while
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 teenagers who
smoke
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 regularly will do social
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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. By making laws stronger community will reduce the number of people who will try to
smoke
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 among the young generation.
Moreover
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, society should decrease the
level
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 of
stress
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 which becomes
the
Correct article usage
a
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 fundamental part of
peoples
Change noun form
people's
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
For instance
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, there can be
decreasing
Correct article usage
a decreasing
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 trend in the pace of life which will positively affect to
level
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 of
the
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apply
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stress
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. Having weighed everything mentioned up, we can come to
a
Correct article usage
the
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 conclusion that smoking is
process
Add an article
a process
the process
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 that
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
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 widespread in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society because of different reasons
such
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 as addiction or
stress
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. To solve it government should make rules stronger and try to reduce
stress
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Use synonyms
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
.

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clear comprehensive ideas
Work on clarifying some of the ideas presented in the essay. Some sentences could be made clearer for better understanding.
language and vocabulary
Try to use more varied vocabulary and sentence structures to make the essay more engaging and to demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
grammar and accuracy
Double-check for grammatical accuracy and accuracy in word choice. For example, 'cigaret' should be 'cigarette', and 'affect to' should be 'affect'.
task achievement
The essay covers both causes and solutions, which addresses the task requirements appropriately.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and ties the essay together.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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