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Band 6

Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tools. others, however, believe that video games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of videogames outweigh the benefits?

#people #video #games #fun #tools #effect #videogames
It is certainly true that some people regard
video
games
 as harmless fun, even as
a tools
Correct the article-noun agreement
a tool
tools
show examples
 for
educational
Replace the word
education
show examples
.
While
 accepting that,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that
video
games
 are more likely to have a harmful impact on the people who play them. There are several benefits of
video
games
. A common advantage is
that
is
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
help
Wrong verb form
helps
show examples
children
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
develop creativity
ability
Fix the agreement mistake
abilities
show examples
, because all
video
games
 have AI images or simulation
image
Fix the agreement mistake
images
show examples
, which help them easily imagine, have rich creativity and
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
create their own story or scenario. One of the standard example is
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
my little sister who love to play
video
game
 which is house building and survival genre,
this
Capitalize word
This
show examples
video
game
 help her to unleash her creativity,
freedom
Correct word choice
and freedom
show examples
 in playing and can do whatever she want to.
Besides
,
this
game
also
contain
Change the verb form
contains
show examples
 rules for her to follow, which makes
she
Correct pronoun usage
her
show examples
 more
interest
Replace the word
interested
show examples
 in the
game
. Another positive aspect is
that
is
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
help
Wrong verb form
helps
show examples
children
 practice quick reflexes.
Because when
Correct word choice
When
show examples
 playing
games
, the right and left hand work differently, so
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 brain
being
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 active and
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
 a natural reflex. A good example is that it is noticeable that when child
play
Change the verb form
plays
show examples
 a
game
, they will
be really focus
Change the verb form
be really focused
be really focusing
show examples
 on the
game
, their eyes move
continously
Correct your spelling
continuously
 and their
hand work
Correct your spelling
handwork
show examples
 really fast, their mind must be
continously
Correct your spelling
continuously
 active to absorb what has happened and is happening.
However
, in spite of these positive effects, I am of the opinion that the
aforemention
Correct your spelling
aforementioned
 advantages are at the expense
drawback
Change preposition
of drawback
show examples
. One obvious disadvantage is that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
video
games
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
children
attacted
Correct your spelling
attached
attacked
attracted
 and focus too much on them. Because of the graphics
as well as
 the high level of entertainment,
children
 seem to be unable to control it and are gradually corrupted by the
games
. One
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
reality
example
Change to a plural noun
examples
show examples
 is that
according to
 a newspaper page on the internet, over 40% of
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
being
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 obsessed with
video
games
, it
become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
 a danger for many
children
 when they become with many bad habits. Another negative effect is that playing
games
 too much makes
children
 have many
disease
Change to a plural noun
diseases
show examples
,
such
 as
headache
Fix the agreement mistake
headaches
show examples
, short-sighted...
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 a normal day, it is
easily
Change the word
easy
show examples
 to see a boy or girl who
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to wear glasses
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
such
small
Correct word choice
a young
show examples
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
, and the factor that
bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
this
 disease mainly
come
Correct subject-verb agreement
comes
show examples
 from playing too
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
show examples
video
games
. In conclusion, it seems to me that the potential dangers of
video
games
 are more harmful than the possible benefits.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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