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Band 2.5

New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantage?

#technologies #children #time #trend
I agree with
statement
Add an article
the statement
show examples
 that new
technologies
 have changed the
way
children
 spend their free
time
, and I believe it is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
advantages
Correct the article-noun agreement
advantage
show examples
 of
this
 trend outweigh the minus of
this
 trend. First of all,
now
Rephrase
apply
show examples
AI
technologies
 changed
majority
Add an article
the majority
show examples
 of
technologies
. In my
view
Add a comma
,view
show examples
 it is a great
way
, and I see AI startups who develop
a projects
Correct the article-noun agreement
projects
a project
show examples
, которые
change
 education methods. I believe,
if
Correct word choice
that
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give
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
children
way
Add an article
a way
the way
show examples
 to education
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 using their
technologies
, it
is improve
Change the verb form
improves
show examples
 their mindset.
For example
, in my country
children
using
Wrong verb form
use
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a
Change the article
an
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 app where
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
change
a
Correct article usage
the
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 teacher or
change
a
Correct article usage
the
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time
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
lesson
Correct article usage
the lesson
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.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
show examples
 of
children
 watch a show in English, or play computer games in
english
Change the capitalization
English
show examples
. They
are spend
Change the verb form
spend
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time
 in
a messengers
Correct the article-noun agreement
messengers
a messenger
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, but it
cheap
Correct your spelling
cheapens
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 their
time
, and a lot of
children
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 their
hometask
Correct your spelling
homework
 with classmates in video
meet
Fix the agreement mistake
meetings
show examples
. Some
technologies
Add a verb
aretechnologies
weretechnologies
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 cheap a
time
. Of course, some
children
 spend their
time
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
Tiktok
Correct your spelling
TikTok
show examples
,
instagram
Change the capitalization
Instagram
show examples
 or other social networks. I see research, where written people who spend
time
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social network, have badly focus
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 work than other people who
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not watch social network. Short videos
changed
Wrong verb form
change
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mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
, and unfocused people
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
concentrate
work
Change preposition
on work
show examples
. So I think,
technologies
change
Wrong verb form
have changed
show examples
 our life
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
great
Change the article
a great
show examples
way
.
Submitted by eerooxa on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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