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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to success in their career, while others argue that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #university #college #route #success #career #job #school
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It is considered by some people that
after
Change preposition
apply
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finishing
school
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 is the right time to apply for
jobs
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 others argue that starting to build a career after studying at
university
Use synonyms
 or college is the better route for them. I would argue that it is better to go to college or
university
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 after
school
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 graduation. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand, most youths try to earn
money
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 as soon as possible. In
that
Add a comma
,that
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 they can be independent. Many young kids do not like to be
dependented
Correct your spelling
dependent
 on their
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
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money
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,
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moreover
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,moreover
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 when those kids
gets
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get
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 a part-time
job
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offers
Fix the agreement mistake
offer
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, they apply for that
job
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 immediately rather
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then
Replace the word
than
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 continuing their study. In
this
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 way, they get to learn important practical skills which will allow them to find a better
job
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 in future.
Furthermore
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 at
young
Correct article usage
a young
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 age youths will earn a good amount of
money
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 and buy their own house or car.
On the other hand
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, I believe, it is the right option for
school
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 graduates to
continuing
Wrong verb form
continue
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 their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
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.
Firstly
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, many
well-know
Correct your spelling
well-known
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 companies
requires
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require
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 high qualifications.
For example
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, it will be quite
any
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apply
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impossible to be
an
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a
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 doctor, engineer, teacher, and lawyer who just completed their
school
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.
As a result
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,
university
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 graduates have huge opportunities to get very
high profile
Add a hyphen
high-profile
show examples
jobs
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
, finding
jobs
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are
Change the verb form
is
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 much difficult as there are very high completion in the market so
university
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graduated
Verb problem
apply
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students are mostly preferred
job
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 candidates and
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also
Rephrase
apply
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they will get a high salary too. In conclusion, considering both views I continue to believe that
although
Linking Words
money
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 is much
important
Correct quantifier usage
more important
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 at the early stages
to
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of
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live
Replace the word
life
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. Educated, skilled people
needed
Wrong verb form
need
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 to do something excellent for future nations because schooling
makes
Verb problem
gives
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 us more potential for
jobs
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by PONKAJ DEY on

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