IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some students work while studying. This often results in lacking time for education and constantly feeling under pressure. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

#students #work #results #time #education #pressure
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The argument over whether work
while
Linking Words
 studying leads to
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a variety of problems for some
students
Use synonyms
 in their
education
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 has not been settled yet. I believe, without a doubt, it is a hard task to focus on your
studies
Use synonyms
 and not be overwhelmed
Linking Words
whereas
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 you are at
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
, as many scientific articles have shown.
Therefore
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 explain the possible solutions I can suggest and the causes that lead to
this
Linking Words
 occurrence. Nowadays, some
students
Use synonyms
 are involved in a difficult economic situation and
a
Add a missing verb
have a
show examples
lot of financial
expenses
Use synonyms
 to meet.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they are
forcde
Correct your spelling
forced
 and launched into the labour market before
finish
Change the verb form
finishing
show examples
 their
studies
Use synonyms
. One common cause is the high cost of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education
Use synonyms
. Some universities have high tuition fees which are exorbitantly costly. Another cause is
Linking Words
due to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the cost of the life in a foreign country facing the living
expenses
Use synonyms
. It turns out that,
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 some occasions,
students
Use synonyms
 have to leave home and change it
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 an accommodation far away from their city.
Thus
Linking Words
, they must deal with more
expenses
Use synonyms
 than before. In my opinion, it is a truism to admit that all of that leads to a lower result in their
studies
Use synonyms
. The solutions I can give to that huge problem are simple.
Above all
Linking Words
, the government should offer help to the
students
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the government in each country could provide a less expensive
education
Use synonyms
.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, those
students
Use synonyms
 who are abroad,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
must be helped
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
somehow. Another solution could be free online courses in which the
students
Use synonyms
 don't
must
Verb problem
have to
show examples
 leave home and
consequently
Linking Words
 their costs aren't so heavy as well.
To sum up
Linking Words
, work and
studies
Use synonyms
 at the same time are but combination and
tends
Correct subject-verb agreement
tend
show examples
 to provoke
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of time for
education
Use synonyms
 and feeling under pressure but the problem could be solved by lowering the amount of
expenses
Use synonyms
 the
students
Use synonyms
 have to face
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Submitted by anabeldlcpallaress on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial necessity
  • Tuition
  • Living costs
  • Employability
  • Work experience
  • Under pressure
  • Mismanagement
  • Time-management
  • Academic pursuits
  • Flexible part-time study
  • Financial aid
  • Scholarships
  • Bursaries
  • Collaboration
  • Integrated programs
  • Education
  • Work-life balance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: