IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The internet will bring about a new freedom of information and so narrow the technology gap between developed and developing countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#internet #freedom #information #technology #gap #countries
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Recently,
information
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 which is new
freedom
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 will be brought by
technology
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 and it has become a popular topic. Many
people
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 think it is worth discussing.
However
Linking Words
, they still have not come to an agreement with each other on whether
technology
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 bringing new
freedom
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 of
information
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 zooms
gap
Correct article usage
the gap
show examples
 between
countries
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 of developed and
countries
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 of developing or not. Whatever each side of the argument thinks, I strongly agree with the idea that new
freedom
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 of
information
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 will provide a balance between
countries
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 thanks to
technology
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. There are a lot of reasons why I support
this
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 idea.
To begin
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 with,
technology
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 is developing day by day.
Therefore
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,
freedom
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 of
information
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 is possible.
This
Linking Words
 can lead to
people
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have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 many chances. Especially, it makes
possible
Correct pronoun usage
it possible
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 for
people
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 to communicate worldwide. What I mean is that whenever we want, we will reach any
information
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, developing
countries
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 will use the
information
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 in developed
countries
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 and improve their
countries
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.
As a result
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 of
this
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, all
countries
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close
Add a missing verb
are close
show examples
between
Change preposition
apply
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in terms of development.
For example
Linking Words
, the Chinese want to set
space
Change preposition
up space
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 places and they can use the
information
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Nasa which is an American and one of the most advanced
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
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. What is more, free
information
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 makes copyright laws harder to enforce, so it is harder to keep new
technology
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 secret. A good example
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this
Change preposition
of this
show examples
 is that all film platforms like Netflix or Prime
video
Capitalize word
Video
show examples
 are free to every
people
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the government cannot censor them.
On the other hand
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, the rest of the
people
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 oppose my idea because they have some significant reasons for it. For one thing, nowadays only the rich can afford to access the Internet. Because of
this
Linking Words
, whole
people
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 do not have the same status or salary, so many
people
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 cannot
reach
Verb problem
access
show examples
 the
information
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 for free. They can think that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
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 should balance between the rich and the poor
instead
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 of
countries
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 because every
people
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 will not have free
information
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.
For example
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, most
people
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 who live in the UK have the Internet compared to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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South Africa. Another reason is that computing skills are necessary to operate the Internet, so a new
technology
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 gap develops
such
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 as old and young
people
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.
To sum up
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, in spite of the fact that new
freedom
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 of
information
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 includes negative effects for
people
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, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages
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coherence cohesion
The essay's logical structure is weak and the introduction and conclusion are not clearly presented.
task achievement
The response is incomplete and the ideas lack clarity and comprehensiveness.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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