IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everything matters is likely to result in a society of individual who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

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People are divided about the issue
whether
Change preposition
of whether
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 giving
children
Use synonyms
an
Remove the article
apply
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unbinding freedom is a positive action or
they
Correct word choice
whether they
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 should be restricted by parents, as
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 decisions may lead to
selfishness
Replace the word
selfish
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 results. I firmly believe that
children
Use synonyms
 must stand on their choices and
this
Linking Words
 is possible
,
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apply
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 if parents give them enough
spaces
Fix the agreement mistake
space
show examples
.
To begin
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 with, the opponents of the first notion may argue that, nowadays,
Due to
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 the complexity of
today
Change noun form
today's
show examples
 world, it has become a pre-requirement for infants to be more independent.
On the other hand
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, they claim
children
Use synonyms
 from
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 early age must be nurtured in
the
Correct article usage
a
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 way that learn to handle their calamities individually and that would
achievable
Add a missing verb
be achievable
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through
Change preposition
by
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 giving them enough liberty in order to decide
for
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apply
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their path.
Linking Words
this
Capitalize word
This
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 permission,
furthermore
Linking Words
, can foster generation with a significant skill in analytical thinking.
For instance
Linking Words
, the benefit of individual choices can be revealed when
pre-school
Correct your spelling
preschool
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children
Use synonyms
 have to decide what
color
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colour
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 shirt to wear. In
this
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 situation, they should evaluate opposite things and that would lead them to think with detail and opt meticulously in future.
On the other hand
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, the proponents may believe that not only
this
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 attitude toward
children
Use synonyms
 can
affects
Change the verb form
affect
show examples
 them adversely, but
also
Linking Words
, may arise some negative consequences for the whole society.
For instance
Linking Words
, when a child
learn
Change the verb form
learns
show examples
 to live based on their choices they can not adapt
with
Change preposition
to
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 other contrary opinions or decisions.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
case
Add a comma
,case
show examples
 they may think that all the things in the world should be planned based on their desire.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they may experience difficulty in order to
tune
Verb problem
apply
show examples
with novel environment and people. To add, it might affect their future career path too. As they have grown with their own rules they are more likely to rebel against the
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
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 that have been legislated for some
restriction
Fix the agreement mistake
restrictions
show examples
.
To sum up
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, I reiterate
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the merits of giving freedom to
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 an edge over the demerits as
this
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 would
contributed
Change the verb form
contribute
be contributed
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 to
foster
Wrong verb form
fostering
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 more creative
children
Use synonyms
.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Child autonomy
  • Critical thinking
  • Self-confidence
  • Immediate gratification
  • Long-term benefits
  • Guidance
  • Informed choices
  • Boundaries
  • Responsibility
  • Individuality
  • Empathetic citizens
  • Consequences
  • Decision-making
What to do next:
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