Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everything matters is likely to result in a society of individual who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
People are divided about the issue
whether
Change preposition
of whether

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
giving
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

an
Remove the article
apply

The indefinite article, an, may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun freedom in your sentence. Consider removing it.

show examples
unbinding freedom is a positive action or
they
Correct word choice
whether they

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

show examples
should be restricted by parents, as
they
Correct pronoun usage
their

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

show examples
decisions may lead to
selfishness
Replace the word
selfish

The word selfishness doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
results. I firmly believe that
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

must stand on their choices and
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

is possible
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma before the dependent clause marker if. Consider removing the comma.

show examples
if parents give them enough
spaces
Fix the agreement mistake
space

It seems that spaces may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
.
To begin
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

with, the opponents of the first notion may argue that, nowadays,
Due to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

the complexity of
today
Change noun form
today's

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

show examples
world, it has become a pre-requirement for infants to be more independent.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they claim
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

from
the
Correct article usage
an

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
early age must be nurtured in
the
Correct article usage
a

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
way that learn to handle their calamities individually and that would
achievable
Add a missing verb
be achievable

It seems that you are missing a verb. Consider adding it.

show examples
through
Change preposition
by

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
giving them enough liberty in order to decide
for
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
their path.
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

this
Capitalize word
This

The word this should be capitalized in this context.

show examples
permission,
furthermore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, can foster generation with a significant skill in analytical thinking.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the benefit of individual choices can be revealed when
pre-school
Correct your spelling
preschool

The word pre-school doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

have to decide what
color
Change the spelling
colour

The spelling of color is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

show examples
shirt to wear. In
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

situation, they should evaluate opposite things and that would lead them to think with detail and opt meticulously in future.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the proponents may believe that not only
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

attitude toward
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

can
affects
Change the verb form
affect

The verb affects after the modal verb can does not appear to be in the correct form. Consider changing the verb form.

show examples
them adversely, but
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, may arise some negative consequences for the whole society.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, when a child
learn
Change the verb form
learns

The plural verb learn does not appear to agree with the singular subject a child. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

show examples
to live based on their choices they can not adapt
with
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
other contrary opinions or decisions.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, in
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

case
Add a comma
,case

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase in this case. Consider adding a comma.

show examples
they may think that all the things in the world should be planned based on their desire.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they may experience difficulty in order to
tune
Verb problem
apply

There may be a verb use issue here.

show examples
with novel environment and people. To add, it might affect their future career path too. As they have grown with their own rules they are more likely to rebel against the
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations

It seems that regulation may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
that have been legislated for some
restriction
Fix the agreement mistake
restrictions

It seems that restriction may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
.
To sum up
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, I reiterate
that
Correct word choice
apply

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

show examples
the merits of giving freedom to
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children

It seems that child may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
an edge over the demerits as
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

would
contributed
Change the verb form
contribute
be contributed

The verb contributed after the modal verb would does not appear to be in the correct form. Consider changing the verb form.

show examples
to
foster
Wrong verb form
fostering

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb foster. Consider changing it.

show examples
more creative
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Child autonomy
  • Critical thinking
  • Self-confidence
  • Immediate gratification
  • Long-term benefits
  • Guidance
  • Informed choices
  • Boundaries
  • Responsibility
  • Individuality
  • Empathetic citizens
  • Consequences
  • Decision-making
What to do next:
Look at other essays: