IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The values that we learn from our parents and family have greater influence on our future success than knowledge and skills we learn at school. Agree or disagee?

#values #parents #influence #future #success #skills #school #disagee
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Success
Use synonyms
 is determined by many factors. Some
believes
Change the verb form
believe
show examples
 the values taught by one’s upbringing
plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
show examples
 a key role. Others are of the belief that
Use synonyms
knowledge
Correct article usage
the knowledge
show examples
 and skills one learns at
school
Use synonyms
 are more important. In my opinion,
both
Use synonyms
 of the factors are equally important.
Firstly
Linking Words
, our parents and family always have
great
Add an article
a great
show examples
 influence on us.
Children
Use synonyms
 are akin to a blank sheet, they often learn by observing their environments.
Hence
Linking Words
, parents have to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good role
model
Fix the agreement mistake
models
show examples
 in order for
children
Use synonyms
 to form the correct attitude. Parents who portray perseverance in challenging times
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a good example to
children
Use synonyms
 not to give up easily.
As a result
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
 carry these good mentalities in their life and it is useful in helping them to get through the tough times and ultimately achieve
success
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, to succeed, formal education plays a vital role too.
Use synonyms
School
Add an article
The school
show examples
 equips
children
Use synonyms
 with the right
knowledge
Use synonyms
 and skills in order for them to thrive in the societies. From different languages to mathematics to science subjects, the purpose of education is to prepare the necessary human resources for the future. Many times, a well-educated fresher has better opportunities to be hired compared to their peers who have poor grades. A good start in
career
Add an article
a career
show examples
 means
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 chance
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 being successful in life. Upon considering the views of
both
Use synonyms
 sides,
personally
Add a comma
,personally
show examples
 I am
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the opinion
of
Change preposition
that
show examples
both
Use synonyms
 the values we learn from our upbringings and the
knowledge
Use synonyms
 we pick up from
school
Use synonyms
 contribute significantly to our future
success
Use synonyms
. They complement each other. A brainy person without the right attitude is hard to succeed.
For example
Linking Words
, a colleague who has great on-the-job
knowledge
Use synonyms
 but
lacking of
Wrong verb form
lacks
show examples
 integrity is unlikely to be at
top
Correct article usage
the top
show examples
 of
ladder
Add an article
the ladder
a ladder
show examples
. In conclusion,
both
Use synonyms
 values from family and
knowledge
Use synonyms
 from
school
Use synonyms
 are necessary to achieve
success
Use synonyms
. With either of the
element
Fix the agreement mistake
elements
show examples
 missing will be like trying to clap with one hand.
Both
Use synonyms
 of these have to be complementing each other for greater output.
Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: