IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Use synonyms
Smartphones
Change the noun form
Smartphone
show examples
development
Use synonyms
 is growing massively. It is becoming
habit
Add an article
a habit
show examples
 for most
children
Use synonyms
 to
spending
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 most of their time using mobile cell
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
. It is normal
for using
Change preposition
to use
show examples
smartphone
Correct article usage
a smartphone
show examples
 in daily routine. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 case would
bring
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a negative
impact
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
development
Use synonyms
 in the
future
Use synonyms
. First and foremost, playing
Use synonyms
smartphones
Change preposition
with smartphones
show examples
bring
Verb problem
has
show examples
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
impact
Use synonyms
 because
children
Use synonyms
 only focus on their
smartphones
Use synonyms
 and tend to be less
of
Correct word choice
aware of
show examples
 awareness to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. Games and content on their
smartphones
Use synonyms
 may
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
attract
children
Use synonyms
 to play
with
Correct pronoun usage
themwith
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, the
children
Use synonyms
 may be causing some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
adaptation
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 in certain
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
. In the
future
Use synonyms
,
children
Use synonyms
 will have difficulties building
relation
Replace the word
relationships
show examples
 with others
as well as
Linking Words
 gaining new
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, some of the research recommends that
children
Use synonyms
 do more physical activity in order to encourage
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
motoric
Use synonyms
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
. Playing mobile phones for a long time and in the same position would make the
children
Use synonyms
lazy
Rephrase
too lazy
show examples
 to do any other
activities
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the
children
Use synonyms
 have to spend their time
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
doing physical
activities
Use synonyms
 and parents need to encourage their
children
Use synonyms
 to do so. There are some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
physical
activities
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as swimming, cycling,
playing
Correct word choice
and playing
show examples
 football that will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
extremely
boosting
Wrong verb form
boost
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
development
Use synonyms
 in the
future
Use synonyms
. It
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not only
gives
Verb problem
has
show examples
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
impact
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
motoric
Correct your spelling
motor
show examples
skill
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
learn
Wrong verb form
on learning
show examples
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
other
Use synonyms
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, playing
Use synonyms
smartphones
Change preposition
on smartphones
show examples
give
Verb problem
has
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 negative
impact
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
development
Use synonyms
 in building
relation
Replace the word
relationships
show examples
 with others
as well as
Linking Words
 gaining new
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
recent
Add an article
a recent
show examples
 study gives a recommendation for
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
children
Use synonyms
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
do physical
activities
Use synonyms
 to boost their motoric
Use synonyms
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 in the
future
Use synonyms
Submitted by haloalwan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
What to do next:
Look at other essays: