IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugar products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
There are many
factory
Change to a plural noun
factories
show examples
 produce
food
 and
drink
Fix the agreement mistake
drinks
show examples
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
containing
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 of
sugar
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can
causes
Change the verb form
cause
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
serious
health
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 in the long term.
People
 believe
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increasing
price
Correct article usage
the price
show examples
 of the
products
 will encourage
people
 to consume less
sugar
. In
this
 essay, I disagree
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the statement. In my opinion, the
government
Change noun form
government's
show examples
 role is to supervise
level
Add an article
the level
show examples
 of
sugar
 in any
manufacture
Replace the word
manufactured
show examples
products
as well as
 they have to
socialization
Replace the word
socialise
show examples
how
Change preposition
on how
show examples
 to healthy life. There are many foods and
drink
products
contain
Correct pronoun usage
that contain
show examples
 high
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
sugars
Change preposition
of sugars
show examples
. An idea to increase
price
Add an article
the price
show examples
 of
these
Change the determiner
this product
these products
show examples
product
 isn’t
encourage
Fix the infinitive
to encourage
show examples
people
 to
reduce
Verb problem
apply
show examples
buy
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. We have declared that
people
 like any
food
 and
drink
 containing
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sugar
. In order to prevent
people
 is consuming high levels of
sugar
, the
government
 has played main key role
to control
Change preposition
in controlling
show examples
 and
supervise
Wrong verb form
supervising
show examples
 it. One
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
solution
it
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 may solve the
problem
 is
develop
Fix the infinitive
to develop
show examples
food
Correct article usage
a food
show examples
 and
drink
 policy which is
control
Fix the infinitive
to control
show examples
 containing
level
 of
sugar
 in any
products
 specifically to implement in all
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
food
 and
drink
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
. The
government
 has to state
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 maximum
ingredient
sugar
 in every
product
.
As a result
, the factory didn’t
need
Add the particle
toneed
show examples
 increase their
products
Change the noun form
product
show examples
price
, but they will produce
food
 and
drink
 with the same
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
price
 and more
health
 than in the previous. Whilst, there is another
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
government
 role to adapt a society
implement
Fix the infinitive
to implement
show examples
 healthy life. The
government
 has to
socialization
Replace the word
socialise
show examples
 how to healthy life.
Such
 as
restrict consume
Wrong verb form
restricting the consumption of
show examples
 factory
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 both
sugar
 and no
sugar
contain
Verb problem
apply
show examples
.
Moreover
, there is another issue
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
food
 and
drink
Fix the agreement mistake
drinks
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
produce
Wrong verb form
produced
show examples
 in the manufacturer
that is
 containing other
ingredient
Fix the agreement mistake
ingredients
show examples
such
preservatives
Change preposition
as preservatives
show examples
.
A more
Correct article usage
More
show examples
consume
Verb problem
apply
show examples
high levels
sugar
Change preposition
of sugar
show examples
combine
Wrong verb form
combined
show examples
 with
preservatives
Fix the agreement mistake
preservative ingredients
show examples
ingredient
 will
be
Verb problem
cause
show examples
 serious
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
health
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 in the long term
such
 as diabetes and cancer.
Besides
, the
government
 has to encourage
people
 to produce
food
 and
drink
 by
self
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
home.
As a result
, the standard of ingredients will be more controlled by
people
 and healthier than
manufacture
Replace the word
manufactured
show examples
products
.
To conclude
, creating a
food
 and
drink
 policy to control and supervise levels of
sugar
is containing
Wrong verb form
contained
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food
 and
drink
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 is one
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
solution to prevent
people
consume
Wrong verb form
from consuming
show examples
 more
sugar
.
Moreover
, the
government
 has to encourage
people
 to restrict consume manufacture
Change preposition
of product
show examples
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 may contain
preservatives
Fix the agreement mistake
preservative ingredients
show examples
ingredient
 which is
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 serious
health
problem
 in the future.
Submitted by haloalwan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: