IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugar products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There are many
factory
Change to a plural noun
factories
show examples
 produce
food
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
drink
Fix the agreement mistake
drinks
show examples
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
containing
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
Use synonyms
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 of
sugar
Use synonyms
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can
causes
Change the verb form
cause
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
serious
health
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 in the long term.
People
Use synonyms
 believe
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increasing
Use synonyms
price
Correct article usage
the price
show examples
 of the
products
Use synonyms
 will encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to consume less
sugar
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I disagree
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the statement. In my opinion, the
Use synonyms
government
Change noun form
government's
show examples
 role is to supervise
Use synonyms
level
Add an article
the level
show examples
 of
sugar
Use synonyms
 in any
manufacture
Replace the word
manufactured
show examples
products
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 they have to
socialization
Replace the word
socialise
show examples
how
Change preposition
on how
show examples
 to healthy life. There are many foods and
drink
Use synonyms
products
Use synonyms
contain
Correct pronoun usage
that contain
show examples
 high
Use synonyms
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
sugars
Change preposition
of sugars
show examples
. An idea to increase
Use synonyms
price
Add an article
the price
show examples
 of
these
Change the determiner
this product
these products
show examples
product
Use synonyms
 isn’t
encourage
Fix the infinitive
to encourage
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to
reduce
Verb problem
apply
show examples
buy
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. We have declared that
people
Use synonyms
 like any
food
Use synonyms
 and
drink
Use synonyms
 containing
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
. In order to prevent
people
Use synonyms
 is consuming high levels of
sugar
Use synonyms
, the
government
Use synonyms
 has played main key role
to control
Change preposition
in controlling
show examples
 and
supervise
Wrong verb form
supervising
show examples
 it. One
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
solution
it
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 may solve the
problem
Use synonyms
 is
develop
Fix the infinitive
to develop
show examples
Use synonyms
food
Correct article usage
a food
show examples
 and
drink
Use synonyms
 policy which is
control
Fix the infinitive
to control
show examples
 containing
level
Use synonyms
 of
sugar
Use synonyms
 in any
products
Use synonyms
 specifically to implement in all
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 and
drink
Use synonyms
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
. The
government
Use synonyms
 has to state
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 maximum
ingredient
Use synonyms
sugar
Use synonyms
 in every
product
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, the factory didn’t
need
Add the particle
toneed
show examples
 increase their
Use synonyms
products
Change the noun form
product
show examples
price
Use synonyms
, but they will produce
food
Use synonyms
 and
drink
Use synonyms
 with the same
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
price
Use synonyms
 and more
health
Use synonyms
 than in the previous. Whilst, there is another
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
government
Use synonyms
 role to adapt a society
implement
Fix the infinitive
to implement
show examples
 healthy life. The
government
Use synonyms
 has to
socialization
Replace the word
socialise
show examples
 how to healthy life.
Such
Linking Words
 as
restrict consume
Wrong verb form
restricting the consumption of
show examples
 factory
Use synonyms
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 both
sugar
Use synonyms
 and no
sugar
Use synonyms
contain
Verb problem
apply
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there is another issue
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
drink
Fix the agreement mistake
drinks
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
produce
Wrong verb form
produced
show examples
 in the manufacturer
that is
Linking Words
 containing other
Use synonyms
ingredient
Fix the agreement mistake
ingredients
show examples
such
Linking Words
preservatives
Change preposition
as preservatives
show examples
.
A more
Correct article usage
More
show examples
consume
Verb problem
apply
show examples
high levels
Use synonyms
sugar
Change preposition
of sugar
show examples
combine
Wrong verb form
combined
show examples
 with
preservatives
Fix the agreement mistake
preservative ingredients
show examples
ingredient
Use synonyms
 will
be
Verb problem
cause
show examples
 serious
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
health
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 in the long term
such
Linking Words
 as diabetes and cancer.
Besides
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 has to encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to produce
food
Use synonyms
 and
drink
Use synonyms
 by
self
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
home.
As a result
Linking Words
, the standard of ingredients will be more controlled by
people
Use synonyms
 and healthier than
manufacture
Replace the word
manufactured
show examples
products
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, creating a
food
Use synonyms
 and
drink
Use synonyms
 policy to control and supervise levels of
sugar
Use synonyms
is containing
Wrong verb form
contained
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 and
drink
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 is one
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
solution to prevent
people
Use synonyms
consume
Wrong verb form
from consuming
show examples
 more
sugar
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 has to encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to restrict consume manufacture
Use synonyms
Change preposition
of product
show examples
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 may contain
preservatives
Fix the agreement mistake
preservative ingredients
show examples
ingredient
Use synonyms
 which is
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 serious
health
Use synonyms
problem
Use synonyms
 in the future.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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