IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think that it is beneficial for old people to learn something new while others believe that once a person is past 65 years of age it is too late to learn. What is your opinion?

#people #person #years #age
At present age,
due to
 access to technology, it is much easier for the young generation to learn something, but when it comes old generation, people have partial views. Few argue that they should continue to learn but
according to
 some, they should stop learning after 65 because they are not enough capable to learn. Well, I am in the former view, as there is no age to learn something new. To commence with, the key benefits can be, no dependency on younger ones to finish important task tasks. As technology changes over time, each day inventors introduce new features. Owing to the wrong perception, some think it might be difficult for individuals who are above 65 to learn. They can pay electricity bills, can take care of accounts online. if we teach them properly. So with that, they will not feel lonely and
also
 feel welcome in each situation. . In spite of
this
, they can talk, and do video calls with their loved ones.
As a result
, they have a strong bond.
For instance
, a recent survey stated that most of the grandchildren who are growing up without the presence of grandparents, they are not recognizing them, when they come back to their native country because they do not see their grandparents. In conclusion, I would like to say that in
this
 contemporary world, everyone has the right to learn, even if someone is above 70, so to eliminate the negative viewpoints about
this
 notion, we should take judicious actions.
Submitted by mamtamahey1996 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of the essay by organizing the ideas in a more coherent manner. Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the main topic and that there is a strong conclusion that summarizes the main points.
task achievement
The essay does not fully respond to the task. Try to provide more comprehensive ideas and examples that are relevant to the topic. Ensure that the response is complete and addresses all aspects of the question.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: