IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Tourism is an important industry which has developed the economies of countries in many parts of the world. What effect has tourism had on local communities? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#tourism #industry #economies #countries #parts #world #effect #communities
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The
tourism
Use synonyms
 industry one of the essential sectors which can be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
boost of economies of the
countries
Use synonyms
 in the world. It has a positive effect on local communities by developing new
business
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opportunities
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. In
this
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 essay, I will give some examples based on my experiences.
To begin
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 with, the new
business
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 of
tourism
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 is open in a wide range
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opportunities
Change preposition
of opportunities
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 in many
countries
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. Many
countries
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 compete to attract international tourists and domestic tourists. They offer beautiful scenery
as well as
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 original
products
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 of the country.
For instance
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, Bali is one of the best tourist islands in Indonesia. Bali not only has beautiful scenery but
also
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 has original
products
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such
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 as Bali's peanuts and oil massages. Most the tourist is interested in buying the local product.
Therefore
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, It is because of the high demand for local
products
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 it may boost the economy of a society.
Furthermore
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, there are many tourist destinations that have a positive impact not only
for
Change preposition
on
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Use synonyms
business
Correct article usage
the business
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 sector but
also
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 on job vacancies. Occasionally tourists need easy access
in
Change preposition
to
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 many
destination
Change to a plural noun
destinations
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 and
further
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 explanation about the
tourism
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 object.
In addition
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, there are a lot of travel agents which provide a tour guide. Some of them may work as travel guides including driving a car. Indeed, It become popular among local people because doing
this
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 can improve finances in society.
To conclude
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,
tourism
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 has a wide range of
business
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opportunities
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 to boost the economic sector in
countries
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 by providing scenery and local
products
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. The local product mostly is created by local communities.
Furthermore
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,
tourism
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 is not only for
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
business opportunities
a business opportunity
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business
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opportunities
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 but
also
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 for job
vacancy
Fix the agreement mistake
vacancies
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.
Submitted by haloalwan on

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