IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries crime rates among teenagers are higher than among other groups.What are the causes for this problem and what can be done to solve this?

There is no denying the fact that crime rates among young people are higher than older groups.
This
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 essay will discuss the reasons for
this
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 issue and how it can be solved.
To begin
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 with, there are many causes for crime rates to be high among teenagers.
Firstly
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, they are more exposed to crimes and see more things online.
In other words
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, having social media like X and TikTok is the main reason for kids to have a high rate of suicide.
In addition
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, playing games is the second cause for
this
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 type of problem.
For example
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, 90% of young crowds have a PC ,which leads to playing games that affect the brain from seeing too much on a daily basis. In terms of how it can be solved, parents should watch their kids. It is possible to remove the door from the room to know what they are doing and who they are talking to.
Moreover
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, teenagers should have access to a phone and TV , three hours a day.
For instance
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, most families make a plan on how to let their child learn to use phones for every typical routine , and if they do not follow the rule, they will be grounded for a week. In conclusion, there are many causes why young crowds commit crimes ,but the most well-known reasons have been discussed in
this
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 essay, which are games and phones.
However
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, any family has to always try to provide a good environment by making rules.

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task achievement
Make sure to provide clear examples that support your main points better. This will help make your arguments stronger.
coherence cohesion
Try to structure your essay more clearly. Make sure each paragraph has one main idea and connects well to the others. Use linking words to improve flow.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines what you will discuss.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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