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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below show the number of magazines sold per person in five countries in 2003 and 2005, with projected sales for 2007. Summarize the information by describing the main features of the charts and making comparisons where appropriate.

The chart below show the number of magazines sold per person in five countries in 2003 and 2005, with projected sales for 2007. Summarize the information by describing the main features of the charts and making comparisons where appropriate.
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The bar chart depicts the number of
magazines
Use synonyms
 sold for each person in
Country
Use synonyms
 A, B, C, D, and E in 2003, 2005, and 2007.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Country
Use synonyms
 B has the highest number of
people
Use synonyms
 buying
magazines
Use synonyms
, which outnumbered other countries significantly over the years.
However
Linking Words
,
Country
Use synonyms
 E has the least number of
people
Use synonyms
 buying
magazines
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in
Country
Use synonyms
 A, approximately 50
people
Use synonyms
 bought
magazines
Use synonyms
 in 2003,
while
Linking Words
 in 2005 it dramatically decreased to around 47 sold
magazines
Use synonyms
 and continued decreasing to about 38
magazines
Use synonyms
 sold in 2007.
However
Linking Words
,
Country
Use synonyms
 B has outnumbered other countries significantly in 2003, 2005, and 2007. In 2003, 50
people
Use synonyms
 bought
magazines
Use synonyms
; after a
while
Linking Words
, it decreased drastically to around 45 in 2005.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it once again dropped from about 56 to 54 in 2007.
Secondly
Linking Words
, in 2003,
Country
Use synonyms
 C started with around 36
people
Use synonyms
 buying
magazines
Use synonyms
, dropping in 2005, which was approximately 34.
However
Linking Words
, in 2007,
Country
Use synonyms
 C decreased to around 32 sold
magazines
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Country
Use synonyms
 D differed from all countries, increasing rather than decreasing. It started with about 19 purchased
magazines
Use synonyms
 in 2003 and continued rising in 2005 to 20.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in 2007, it increased to approximately 25
people
Use synonyms
 buying
magazines
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
Country
Use synonyms
 E has fluctuated because it began with about 5 sold
magazines
Use synonyms
 in 2003 and rose to about 6. After that, it decreased to approximately 5 purchased
magazines
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "additionally, however, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words magazines, country, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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