Some people think that the main purpose of school is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather to benefit them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some communities argue that the main objective of the school is to turn juveniles into good inhabitants and workers, rather than to advantage them as individuals. In my opinion, I partially agree with

this

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statement, and I will elaborate on it in

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essay. On the one hand, in today's world, the majority of young people attend school and dedicate a significant portion of their time to it.

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, they can learn about acting politely, which leads to kind and respectful folks.

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, when they play with various friends, they can learn social skills so they will be good workers.

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, some studies show that if children do not go to school and stay at home, young nations will turn into criminal people.

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, most criminal communities have no mates so they do not know how to communicate with each other.

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, in schools, study is not the only thing to learn there are a lot of crucial things to learn from that place.

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, academies do not exist to make good people and gangs.

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, they should teach and help find juvenile talents.

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, nowadays, our society has various jobs and we do not know which one suits us and which one wants to do.

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, In South Korea, numerous educational institutions only teach main subjects

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as Korean, English and mathematics

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, many pupils cannot find their abilities so they lose way about their future.

For

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this

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reason, academies ought to assist in finding student's talents, and it will benefit our communities. In conclusion, I partially agree with

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statement. Schools must teach their pupils to turn into good citizens and workers and

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help them find abilities because it is essential. So, we must teach them to balance, and that will be good not only for the young public but

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for our societies.

livewire53Sun Sep 10 2023

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Coherence and Cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that ideas are logically connected throughout the essay. Use transition words to improve the coherence and flow of the essay.

Task Achievement

Provide a clear and direct response to the essay prompt. Ensure that all main points are relevant and supported with specific examples and explanations.

Lexical Resource

Expand your range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely. Use a variety of sentence structures to demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.

Grammatical Range

Work on improving sentence structure and accuracy. Vary your sentence structures and pay more attention to subject-verb agreement, use of articles, and word order.

14
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

315 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

crucial
shaping
developing
unique talents
potential
well-rounded
academic
social
emotional development
personal growth
contribute positively
self-expression
creativity
individuality
happier and more fulfilled
strike a balance
preparing students for the workforce
nurturing
individual needs
pursue passions and interests
thrive
future professionals
community institutions
shape community values
foster civic engagement

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Some people think that the main purpose of school is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather to benefit them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid?

Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

many schools these days have problems with poor student behaviour

Some people feel that we should protect all wild animals. Other people think that only some wild animals should be protected. Discuss both points of view and give your opinon.