Some people think that the main purpose of school is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather to benefit them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some communities argue that the main objective of the school is to turn juveniles into good inhabitants and workers, rather than to advantage them as individuals. In my opinion, I partially agree with
this
statement, and I will elaborate on it in
this
essay. On the one hand, in today's world, the majority of young people attend school and dedicate a significant portion of their time to it.
As a result
, they can learn about acting politely, which leads to kind and respectful folks.
Moreover
, when they play with various friends, they can learn social skills so they will be good workers.
For example
, some studies show that if children do not go to school and stay at home, young nations will turn into criminal people.
In addition
, most criminal communities have no mates so they do not know how to communicate with each other.
Therefore
, in schools, study is not the only thing to learn there are a lot of crucial things to learn from that place.
On the other hand
, academies do not exist to make good people and gangs.
Furthermore
, they should teach and help find juvenile talents.
For instance
, nowadays, our society has various jobs and we do not know which one suits us and which one wants to do.
However
, In South Korea, numerous educational institutions only teach main subjects
such
as Korean, English and mathematics
consequently
, many pupils cannot find their abilities so they lose way about their future.
For
this
reason, academies ought to assist in finding student's talents, and it will benefit our communities. In conclusion, I partially agree with
this
statement. Schools must teach their pupils to turn into good citizens and workers and
also
help them find abilities because it is essential. So, we must teach them to balance, and that will be good not only for the young public but
also
for our societies.
Submitted by livewire53 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that ideas are logically connected throughout the essay. Use transition words to improve the coherence and flow of the essay.
Task Achievement
Provide a clear and direct response to the essay prompt. Ensure that all main points are relevant and supported with specific examples and explanations.
Lexical Resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely. Use a variety of sentence structures to demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
Grammatical Range
Work on improving sentence structure and accuracy. Vary your sentence structures and pay more attention to subject-verb agreement, use of articles, and word order.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial
  • shaping
  • developing
  • unique talents
  • potential
  • well-rounded
  • academic
  • social
  • emotional development
  • personal growth
  • contribute positively
  • self-expression
  • creativity
  • individuality
  • happier and more fulfilled
  • strike a balance
  • preparing students for the workforce
  • nurturing
  • individual needs
  • pursue passions and interests
  • thrive
  • future professionals
  • community institutions
  • shape community values
  • foster civic engagement
What to do next:
Look at other essays: