IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

If you sell a product and people buy it, then advertising it is not necessary and considered as a kind of entertainment. Do you agree or disagree?

#product #people #entertainment
When a product is being and
that is
 easily bought by people, it is often debated
advertising
Correct word choice
that advertising
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
such
products
 are not needed but rather seen as a mean of entertainment. I strongly disagree with the notion and will reflect
over
Change preposition
on
show examples
 my views on
this
 issue explaining my core position.
To begin
 with, when an item is first introduced in the market, it is often unlikely that people will instantly buy it, since nowadays, fraudulence is rising at an escalating rate. Even if the
products
 get sold, it is not easy to keep the audience engrossed and hooked without proper advertisement in the long run.
For instance
, when a new
comestic
Correct your spelling
commercial
 brand first makes its appearance in the industry, unless the packaging is
glamarous
Correct your spelling
glamorous
 enough to grab the attention, the number of buyers will start declining over time in the absence of marketing strategies which largely
involves
Correct subject-verb agreement
involve
show examples
 advertising on various levels.
Secondly
, the reason the local shops are losing their customer pool is because of
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of improved advertising. Earlier, people did not need much convincing to buy
products
 from small local shops,
however
, with
modernization
Add an article
the modernization
show examples
 of society, it is quite easier to get information and reviews of various
products
 after they are being advertised on various platforms.
This
 has
detrimental
Add an article
a detrimental
show examples
 effect on
overall
Add an article
the overall
show examples
 profit of local markets. In conclusion, with advanced technology, the
possibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
possibility
show examples
 of items being sold immediately after their introduction in
market
Add an article
the market
show examples
 is highly unlikely, but even if so, it is immensely difficult to hold onto the customers and sustain a good
buisness
Correct your spelling
business
due to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of good advertisement.
Submitted by uttori2612 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • inform
  • educate
  • brand awareness
  • capture attention
  • competitive market
  • influence consumer behavior
  • purchasing decisions
  • positive association
  • enhance appeal
  • product differentiation
  • innovation
  • customers' awareness
What to do next:
Look at other essays: