IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do the advantages of this overwigh disadvantages?

#technologies #children #time #overwigh
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, the way
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
pass
Verb problem
spend
show examples
 their free
time
Use synonyms
undergoes
Wrong verb form
is undergoing
show examples
 numerous changes.
Although
Linking Words
 there are some benefits
due to
Linking Words
Correct article usage
the use
show examples
use
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
technologies
Change preposition
of technologies
show examples
 and the internet in
the
Change the word
your
show examples
 free
time
Use synonyms
, I think that
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
show examples
overweigh
Verb problem
outweigh
show examples
 the advantages. It has been stated that there are significant benefits in order to
using
Change the verb
use
show examples
 technologies in
the
Change the word
your
show examples
 free
time
Use synonyms
. These days,
children
Use synonyms
 play some computer and video games in their pass
time
Use synonyms
. In order to play them, they are going to learn how to improve their identical abilities. Some online games
such
Linking Words
 as Fifa and Clash-of-Clans contribute
children
Use synonyms
 to not only
improve
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 sense of imagination
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 sense of
compettition
Correct your spelling
competition
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, some video applications like
Youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
show examples
 can
assisst
Correct your spelling
assist
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
to search
Change preposition
in searching
show examples
whatever
Change preposition
for whatever
show examples
 they want to see
such
Linking Words
 as
academical
Replace the word
academic
show examples
 lessons or cartoons.
However
Linking Words
, these kinds of
application
Fix the agreement mistake
applications
show examples
 can spread
violent
Replace the word
violence
show examples
 among
children
Use synonyms
 because all of their contents are
nit
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
appropriate
Add the comma(s)
,appropriate
show examples
fot
Correct your spelling
for
children
Use synonyms
 and teenagers.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I think that the
disanvantages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
 of using technology in offspring's pass
time
Use synonyms
 can be harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 both their mental and physical conditions.
For instance
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 playing video games, the
interests
Fix the agreement mistake
interest
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 outdoor activities
have been
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 decreased. Having a sedentary lifestyle without enough physical activities has
lead
Replace the word
led
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 to
overweight
Add a missing verb
be overweight
show examples
 and
un-balanced
Correct your spelling
unbalanced
show examples
 body structure.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, using mobile phones and
electronical
Correct your spelling
electronic
 gadgets in schools's free
time
Use synonyms
 would lead students to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 lack of communication with their peers.
As a result
Linking Words
, the level of self-confidence among them would be declined. In conclusion, there are some advantages for
children
Use synonyms
 who
fullfil
Correct your spelling
fulfil
 their free
time
Use synonyms
 with technological-based devices.
However
Linking Words
,in my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 the disadvantages
such
Linking Words
 as
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of communication skills and
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
show examples
 lifestyle
overweigh
Verb problem
outweigh
show examples
 the benefits.
Submitted by shima.majidansari on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: