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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The diagram below shows some design principles for an energy-efficient house and how they work in different climates.

The diagram below shows some design principles for an energy-efficient house and how they work in different climates.
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The figure illustrates a design for an energy-efficient
house
Use synonyms
 and how it functions in different
temperature
Fix the agreement mistake
temperatures
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, what stands out from the data is the flow of temperature depending on the climate which is warm and cold using material that inhibits
heat
Use synonyms
 from passing through. A
house
Use synonyms
 built with underground floor
heat
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 retention and underground floor sun protection
,
Remove the comma
apply
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is added with some insulation materials put on the wall and ceiling of the
house
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, which helps prevent
heat
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 from passing through. During summer or warm
climates
Add a comma
,climates
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 the
heat
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 that comes from the sun will bounce back into the surroundings with the help of the reflective roof covering,
while
Linking Words
 the
heat
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 from inside the
house
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 will flow out into the atmosphere.
In contrast
Linking Words
, in cold climates with the help of triple-glazed skylight light and
heat
Use synonyms
-maximized ,material the cold temperature will stay inside
while
Linking Words
,
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apply
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 the
heat
Use synonyms
 coming from outside will come in.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words house, heat with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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