IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In the past, when students did a university degree, they tended to study in their own country. Nowadays, they have more opportunity to study abroad. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development? You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.

#students #university #study #country #opportunity #development #support #arguments #evidence
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It was long before that the people were prioritizing to study at the university of their own country. Globalization has entirely changed
this
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 narrative by reshaping the
education
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 industry, providing countless opportunities for
students
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 who want to acquire a profound
education
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 abroad. Undoubtedly,
this
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 trend has its own merits and demerits owing to numerous reasons. From my perspective, some
countries
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 could benefit tremendously by sending their locals abroad to gain a better
education
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as well as
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 a world practice to apply for once they return to their home
countries
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.
In other words
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, there are hundreds of African
students
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 studying in
countries
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 like the USA, Canada, and Germany with the sole purpose of returning home to help their local communities . After all, these
students
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 will illuminate the future of their
countries
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 as they are the pillars of their
countries
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' human capital.
Although
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 it has some risks,
nevertheless
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 some
countries
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 are aware of
such
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 an opportunity,
therefore
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, they heavily invest in the funding of
such
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students
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 to study in the most prestigious universities across the globe. When it comes to the downgrading sides of
this
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 trend, financial affordability remains in the first place. Some underprivileged
students
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 remain exempt from these opportunities to study in foreign
countries
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 because of the demand for high tuition fees charged by the universities.
On the other hand
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, I
also
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 think that
countries
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 like the USA and Germany are always on the hunt for talented foreign
students
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 so that they utilize their potential for their own gain.
Thus
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, it is one of the biggest contributing factors to the brain drain in some third-world
countries
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 as
students
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 aspire to build their futures in more prosperous and promising conditions. On the whole,
while
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 there are some plus points for
students
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 studying at foreign universities, its shortcomings
also
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 pose a grave hazard to the sustainable future of
countries
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 that allow their people to leave for better
education
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 purposes.
Hence
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, striking a balanced approach by establishing suitable opportunities in order to draw the attention of those who graduated abroad would be an expedient measure to decelerate the pace of brain migration.
Submitted by orkhanshamil on

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task response
The essay does not provide a clear position on the advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad. It is important to clearly address both the advantages and disadvantages in the essay to fully respond to the task.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they lack clarity and focus. It is important to clearly state the position and provide a brief overview of the reasons that will be discussed in the essay in order to improve coherence and cohesion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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