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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The bar charts below show the number of hours each teacher spent teaching in different schools in four different countries in 2001.

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The bar graph illustrates the duration of hours every teacher spent teaching in various schools (Primary, Secondary and Upper Secondary) in four countries (Japan, Spain, Iceland and
USA
Correct article usage
the USA

Your article usage with the geographic name USA may be incorrect.

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).
Overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, what stands out from the data is that in all countries, upper secondary has
greatest
Change the article
the greatest

It appears that the phrase greatest duration does not contain the correct article usage. Consider making a change.

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 duration of time spent learning compared to the other levels,
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 primary is the shortest. In more detail, upper secondary in the USA accounts for the longest hour spent teaching at under 1200H ,respectively
in contrast
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 Japan has the shortest hour at over 600H.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, Spain and Iceland hovered around 900H.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, in lower secondary the USA still has the longest time at over 900H
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 the rest of the nation spent their hours teaching at around 600H.
Additionally
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, in primary
the
Correct article usage
apply

Your article usage with the geographic name Iceland may be incorrect.

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Iceland surprisingly has the shortest figure for both at under 600H
whereas
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 the other nations
provides
Change the verb form
provide

The singular verb provides does not appear to agree with the plural subject nations. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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 at least over 600H for the 2 levels.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words h with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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