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Writing Samples
Band 6

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process fro making sugar from sugar cane.

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process fro making sugar from sugar cane.
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The given diagram illustrates the procedure of producing
sugar
Use synonyms
 from
sugar
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 cane.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that the
process
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 comprises 7 sophisticated stages, beginning with the agricultural
process
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 and ending with the final product, using complex automatic tools. In the first stage, the
sugar
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 cane is cultivated by the farmers through a 12-
18-months
Correct your spelling
18-month
 period.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, the harvesting
process
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 takes place by means of hands or special harvesting machines.
Then
Linking Words
, the picked-up
sugar
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 canes are crushed through the use of a specific wooden machine to convert the canes to a special juice. In the fourth step, the
sugar
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 juice is purified via a limestone filter to be followed by the evaporation stage, in which the juice converts to syrup, by means of a heated evaporator.
This
Linking Words
 is followed by the centrifuging
process
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, in which the
sugar
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 crystals are separated from the syrup to be ready for the final step of the manufacturing procedure. Ultimately, the centrifuged and separated sweet substance goes through a drying and cooling procedure, which
finally
Linking Words
 results in white sweet
sugar
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.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar, process with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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