The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.

#proportion #population #three #countries

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The given line chart provides information on the elderly population in percentages (People aged 65 and over) in three particular areas: the USA, Sweden and

Japan

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in the span of one century from 1940 to 2040.

Overall

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, the data depicts an upward trend in those three countries. At the beginning of the period, the USA had the largest population followed by Sweden and

Japan

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However

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Japan

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replaced that place

at the end

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of the period, becoming the most dominant proportion

according to

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prediction. In 1940, around 9% elderly population

lived

Change the form of the verb

living

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in the USA and

this

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gradually increased year by year reaching its peak at 15% in 1980 before decreasing slightly to approximately 14% in 2020.

However

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, the chart predicts that a sudden increase will happen at about 23% in 2040.

In contrast

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, Sweden experienced a gradual ascend from less than 6% to 25% in 1940 and 2040, respectively.

In addition

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, between 1980 and 2000,

this

Linking Words

category overlapped the USA’s proportion, making it the most dominant before

Japan

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exceeded it in 2040.

Submitted by misstiasclassroom on Mon Sep 11 2023

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".

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Vocabulary: Replace the words japan with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

171 words

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The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

More teenagers are now playing computer games in their free time. What are the advantages and disadvantages of playing games?

Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than earn a lots of money. Others disagree and think that good salary leads to better life. Discuuss both the views and give your opinion.

Government should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones in communication has negative effects on young people’s reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?