Today more people put personal and private information online to do everyday activities such as banking, shopping, and socializing. Is this a positive or negative development？

#people #information #activities #development？

Nowadays, many people put personal and private data online to do daily actions

such

as online baking, online shopping and socialising. There are some negatives in

this

situation, but personally, I believe there more positives, and I will elaborate on them in

this

essay. On the one hand, today,

due to

our technological development, we can live more comfortably.

Moreover

, in the past, we had to go to local markets and buy food.

Also

, we must meet friends and folks and talk to each other in the past.

However

, today, many communities do not go to markets because they

use

the

internet

and buy some foods.

For example

, In South Korea, there is a lot of online shopping mall in the

internet

, so numerous individuals can buy goods easily and deliver them to their home.

Furthermore

, the majority of folks

use

online baking, which can send money to other people.

Finally

, they can communicate with each other easily using social apps

such

as Instagram and Facebook, and they

also

find communities that have some interests.

For

this

reason, technological advancement is a positive thing in our lives.

On the other hand

, on the

internet

, there is various information, so some folks want other people's data, so they decide to hack that data and

use

it for bad things.

For instance

, In North Korea, they cannot earn money from other nations because of United Nations regulations. So, they often steal cryptocurrency on the

internet

also

hack other county's banks and earn money.

Hence

, they make many weapons but do not give them to their nations so they suffer.

Therefore

, doing online actions has some negative things. In conclusion, I think doing everyday activities

such

as banking, shopping and socialising has pros and cons. It makes our life comfortable

conversely

, some part is not. So, we should

use

it balance and be careful and always aware of the

internet

, and that will keep our precious information.

Submitted by livewire53 on Tue Sep 12 2023

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

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‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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15Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

324 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Today more people put personal and private information online to do everyday activities such as banking, shopping, and socializing. Is this a positive or negative development？

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones for communication have a negative impact on young people’s writing and reading skills. Do you agree or disagree?

Films are no longer exclusively produced by big companies. Digital technology has enabled everybody to create their own video(s) and film(s). Is it a positive or a negative development?

you're people should be treated like adults if they commit a crime. in what extent do I agree or disagree

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What coulbe be the disadvantages of being self-employed?