IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's live. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#aim #science #people
As
highly
Correct article usage
a highly
show examples
sensetive
Correct your spelling
sensitive
 subject, the main goal of scientific achievements should include improvement in humankind's
life
. I personally agree with
this
 statement Science is a broad topic including every
aspects
Change to a singular noun
aspect
show examples
 of our
everyday's
Change noun form
everyday
show examples
life
. Highly intertwined with our ever-changing world, it should include factors to help us improve our
overall
life
expentancy
Correct your spelling
expectancy
.
for
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 genetic
sicences
Correct your spelling
sciences
 nowadays reach some absolutely stunning results, related to
combat
Wrong verb form
combating
show examples
 genetic mutation in infants who
are highly predispose
Change the verb form
are highly predisposed
show examples
 to special diseases in other stages of their
life
.
As a
result
Add a comma
,result
show examples
 the whole laboratory experiments, wast amount of money invested in
this
 sensitive field, and
numores
Correct your spelling
numerous
 research done in university, all resulted in
Correct article usage
the overll
show examples
overll
Correct your spelling
overall
 well-being of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Moreover
, these
acheivement
Correct your spelling
achievement
achievements
 if
take
Wrong verb form
taken
show examples
 into consideration globally, can result in
extinct
Replace the word
the extinction
show examples
 of genetic-disorder diseases and ease the burden of governments. To clarify, planners normally have to dedicate
substantial
Add an article
a substantial
show examples
 amount of money to provide better facilities for retarded parts of society. From
other
Correct quantifier usage
another
show examples
prespective
Correct your spelling
perspective
perspectives
,
this
 issue
gain
Change the verb form
gains
show examples
 more importance when it is
obvious
Correct article usage
an obvious
show examples
 fact that science can cause more harm than good in some areas. Taking nuclear power as an example,
this
fascinated
Replace the word
fascinating
show examples
acheivement
Correct your spelling
achievement
 can be used to produce clean energy
while
, at the same time highly devastating
vepons
Correct your spelling
weapons
. these
counter-intuative
Correct your spelling
counter-intuitive
 usages, resulting from scientific experiments, have the potential to save fossil fuel sources and at the same time kill
numorous
Correct your spelling
numerous
 people in possible political contentions and wars. To restrain its negative
consequenses
Correct your spelling
consequences
, international agreements are required. In a
nutshall
Correct your spelling
nutshell
,
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 level of success in science should be beneficial for people all around the world. As it can bring happiness and
increse
Correct your spelling
increase
 standarded factors.
Whereas
, if these
used
Add a missing verb
are used
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a reverse side, the result is nothing but destruction.
Submitted by diana_ft91 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: