IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

History tells that people have afternoon thought about creating and ideal society, but, most of the times fail in making this happen. What is your opinion about an ideal society? how can we create an ideal society?

#history #people #afternoon #society #times #happen
It has been observed that people have strived hard to make
this
 world an ideal place to live where everyone can enjoy
amenities
Correct article usage
the amenities
show examples
 of life. Unfortunately,
this
 has become an unachievable goal
due to
 the lack of cooperation among the societies. I believe the pursuit of
ideal
Correct article usage
an ideal
show examples
 community is difficult to implement in the
fast - paced
Correct your spelling
fast-paced
show examples
 world. The first and pre-dominant reason is that every single person
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
 to live in a
society
 where his life
necessaties
Correct your spelling
necessities
 are being fulfilled.
In other words
, people need
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
exposure to higher education, free of crime
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
,
affordibility
Correct your spelling
affordability
 of medical health care. The sum of all these attributes
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 the ideal
society
.The other factor that involves is the non - discrimination between rich and poor regardless of
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
religion and culture where anyone has a right
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 freedom of speech. The most crucial element to bring
such
 a desirable
society
 is to bring everyone
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 one table.
In addition
, if countries are not willing to compromise on certain elements of their national
intrest
Correct your spelling
interest
, it would be a
zero- sum
Correct your spelling
zero-sum
show examples
 game for the whole world.
Furthermore
, it is the sole individual responsibility to contribute at
its
Change the word
the
show examples
 utmost capacity for the fruitful
benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
. In conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
reteriote
Correct your spelling
reiterate
 that achieving the ideal community is under our hands.Despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the major challenges,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
 governmental policies should be implemented in order to attain
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 considerable
society
.
Submitted by mehrunisa745 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: