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Writing Samples
Band 5

There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. .

It is undeniable that education is definitely essential for people. Nowadays, young generations feel
amount
Correct article usage
a amount
show examples
 of
pressure
Use synonyms
 to be
success
Replace the word
successful
show examples
 academically.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, others admit that non-academic subjects must be removed from the
schools
Change to a genitive case
school's
schools'
show examples
 syllabus.
Therefore
Linking Words
, younger can focus on their
academic
Fix the agreement mistake
academics
show examples
. In my perspective, I highly disagree that non-academic lessons should be deleted by schools since they have a bunch of positive aspects to be considered.
This
Linking Words
 essay will dive deeply into the topic in order to provide some points related to the topic
as well as
Linking Words
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
examples. First and foremost, non-academic subjects can emphasise
students
Use synonyms
'
creativities
Replace the word
creativity
show examples
 and mood. They will be resourceful to create something
as a result
Linking Words
 of learning the lessons. To elucidate
further
Linking Words
, a cookery lesson can be
favourite
Correct article usage
a favourite
show examples
 for female
students
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 improving their cooking skills. They will try to make
a delicious food
Remove the article
delicious food
a portion of delicious food
show examples
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 a new recipe.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in terms of
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
, male
students
Use synonyms
 are super excited when there is a
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 schedule in their school timetables. It will boost their mood;
as a result
Linking Words
, they
stay
Verb problem
apply
show examples
keep learning after the end of
Correct article usage
the sport
show examples
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 session.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
got
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
pressure
Use synonyms
 in learning because they do not have suitable strategies to address their learning issues.
In addition
Linking Words
, they
fell
Correct your spelling
feel
show examples
stress
Wrong verb form
stressed
show examples
 when there is a number of goals which should be achieved by them.
Thy
Correct your spelling
They
show examples
 will set their standards, or how to gain
those achievement
Change the determiner
that achievement
those achievements
show examples
. In my opinion, when the results are beyond their expectations,
pressure
Use synonyms
, stress, and
other negative feeling
Change the wording
another negative feeling
other negative feelings
show examples
 will appear on their minds.
For example
Linking Words
, when facing national exams, younger choose to focus on learning to get higher
score
Fix the agreement mistake
scores
show examples
. When they have a problem
during
Change preposition
while
show examples
 studying, they get
distraction
Replace the word
distracted
show examples
 or
Use synonyms
pressure
Wrong verb form
pressured
show examples
 and immediately blame something which is actually not relevant to their study. In conclusion, I believe that non-academic subjects are crucial for pupils as extracurricular activities or
addition
Replace the word
additional
show examples
 lessons at schools.
Pressure
Use synonyms
 does not
goes
Change the verb form
go
show examples
 to
this
Linking Words
 subject.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, it appears when
students
Use synonyms
 get
stress
Wrong verb form
stressed
show examples
on
Change preposition
about
show examples
 learning.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
What to do next:
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