The graph shows the number of people taking parts in 4 kinds of sports in a particular region between 1985 and 2005. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

#people #parts #kinds #sports #region #summarise #information #features #comparisons

The line graph below illustrates the amount of people taking

parts

Fix the agreement mistake

part

show examples

in 4 separate types of sports in one certain area in 20 years between 1985 and 2005.

Overall

, in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

1985

Rugby

had the largest number of

players

whereas

Tennis

had the lower amount of

players

in comparison to

Rugby

However

, in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

2005

Rugby

has

Wrong verb form

had

show examples

the lowest number of

players

as well as

Badminton,

whereas

Tennis

is become

Change to the active voice

becomes

has become

show examples

Add an article

a more

show examples

popular sport. In

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

1985

Rugby

had almost 250

participators

Replace the word

participants

show examples

. Meanwhile,

Tennis

had 150

players

. But, after

the

Change the article

show examples

couple of

decades

Add a comma

,decades

show examples

Rugby

became the most unpopular sport with a drop of almost

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

200

players

whereas

Tennis

rose to over 200

players

, and became the most popular sport.

In addition

, in the year 1985, there were only 50 and 75 people enjoying badminton and basketball respectively. They were not really concerned as the percentage of those remained unchanged throughout the years until 2005.

Submitted by dimash171206 on Wed Sep 13 2023

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words rugby, players, tennis with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.

▼

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

154 words

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

fluctuation
participation rate
trend
increase
decrease
peak
stable
comparative analysis
dominance
decline
steady growth
significant change
regional popularity
time period
sports activities
data representation

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The graph shows the number of people taking parts in 4 kinds of sports in a particular region between 1985 and 2005. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

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