IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters( such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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As each and everything of
individuals
Fix the agreement mistake
individual
show examples
affect
Change the verb form
affects
show examples
 a
society
Use synonyms
. In my own opinion,
children
Use synonyms
 should make
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 that affect them. Nowadays,
if
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
parents allow
chidren
Correct your spelling
children
 to make their own choices in everyday matters like what they want to eat, what they want to
were
Correct your spelling
wear
show examples
, what they want to watch and much more.
For example
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, if a
parsent
Correct your spelling
parents
 will force
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
children
Use synonyms
then
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 it will become difficult for
children
Use synonyms
 to focus on that
things
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
, if
children
Use synonyms
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
do
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
things
Use synonyms
 in which they are interested
then
Linking Words
 they will get
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
better expectations.
Hence
Linking Words
, kids should
be allow
Change the verb form
be allowed
show examples
 to choose what they like.
Children
Use synonyms
 should be free to choose
things
Use synonyms
. As each
individuals
Fix the agreement mistake
individual
show examples
 small
things
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 affect a lot
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
society
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, if a small child
will do
Wrong verb form
does
show examples
 something very great
then
Linking Words
 it will affect
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other
people
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
. So, every person should think before doing something. A Person should do
somethings
Correct your spelling
some things
show examples
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
.
Society
Use synonyms
 should support
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 who
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
achive
Correct your spelling
achieved
 something for
society
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
India
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 won
prize
Add an article
a prize
the prize
show examples
 which
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
impact
Add an article
an impact
show examples
 on other
people
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
.
Society
Use synonyms
 should help
whose
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 who
good
Add a missing verb
are good
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
and
Correct word choice
but
show examples
 have financial
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
. Rich
people
Use synonyms
 should support poor
people
Use synonyms
 for the development of the nation
as well as
Linking Words
society
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, in my own opinion,
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
children
a child
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 should be free
in choosing
Change preposition
to choose
show examples
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 own
things
Use synonyms
 for themself.
However
Linking Words
,
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
children
a child
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 should think before doing
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
things
Use synonyms
 which can affect
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
. Each
an
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
 every
Use synonyms
things
Change to a singular noun
thing
show examples
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
 to
society
Use synonyms
 of
an individuals
Correct the article-noun agreement
individuals
an individual
show examples
.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Autonomy
  • Consequence-awareness
  • Self-centered
  • Informal decision-making education
  • Child development
  • Age-appropriate choices
  • Cognitive growth
  • Fostering independence
  • Parental guidance
  • Societal norms
  • Interpersonal consideration
  • Balance of freedom
  • Individualism versus collectivism
  • Experience-based learning
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