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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the proportion of types of magazines sold by the company in 1975, 1995 and 2015.

The graph below shows the proportion of types of magazines sold by the company in 1975, 1995 and 2015.
The bar chart illustrates the percentage of kinds of magazines sold by the entrepreneur in the period of 20 years from 2000 to 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of magazines sold by the
company
Use synonyms
 in four out of five
countries
Use synonyms
witness
Wrong verb form
witnessed
show examples
 a downward trend during the surveyed period, except
Country
Use synonyms
 D.
In addition
Linking Words
, there were three
countries
Use synonyms
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
 the
company
Use synonyms
 had the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of magazine
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
show examples
significant
Change the word
significantly
show examples
 higher than the other two. In 2000, the
company
Use synonyms
 reached its highest
figure
Use synonyms
 in the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of magazine sales in
Country
Use synonyms
 B at roughly 50%, orderly followed by that of
Use synonyms
country
Capitalize word
Country
show examples
 A (nearly 50%),
Use synonyms
country
Capitalize word
Country
show examples
 C (over 35%), and
Country
Use synonyms
 D (approximate 20%),
while
Linking Words
 that
figure
Use synonyms
 of
Country
Use synonyms
 E was the lowest at 5%. In 2010, the surveyed
figure
Use synonyms
 in three
countries
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, namely
countries
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 A,
country
Use synonyms
 B, and
country
Use synonyms
 C witnessed a slight slump at about 5%,
while
Linking Words
 that of
country
Use synonyms
 D and
country
Use synonyms
 E moderately increased by 3%. In 2020,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 only increase
figure
Use synonyms
 was recorded in
country
Use synonyms
 D with 3%, the rest
countries
Use synonyms
 all experienced a downtrend from 2% to 10%. Over
20-year
Add an article
a 20-year
the 20-year
show examples
 period, despite slight changes, the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
magazine
Fix the agreement mistake
magazines
show examples
 sold by the
company
Use synonyms
 in all five
countries
Use synonyms
 remained
their
Change preposition
at their
show examples
 rank,
country
Use synonyms
 B was at
top
Correct article usage
the top
show examples
 and
country
Use synonyms
 E at
bottom
Add an article
the bottom
show examples
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, company, countries, country, figure with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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