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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people suggest that children do not understand the world of work and school should make all teenagers spend a short time working as well as studying accademic subjects. To what extent do you agree?

#people #children #world #work #school #teenagers #time #accademic #subjects
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Some persons are of the view that since
children
Use synonyms
 do not appreciate the working world, the
school
Use synonyms
curricular
Replace the word
curriculum
show examples
 should incorporate some working
time
Use synonyms
 for adolescents alongside
pursuit
Add an article
the pursuit
show examples
 of academics. I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
. On the one hand, people in support of
this
Linking Words
 idea are of the opinion that
work
Use synonyms
 life will eventually happen in the life of every individual who grows into adulthood, so, it will be beneficial to groom them young so it
becoms
Correct your spelling
becomes
 a part of them to make their transition from
school
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 life to the job market smooth. To illustrate
this
Linking Words
, a survey found that some adults who took up jobs when they were young and schooling
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 well
equiped
Correct your spelling
equipped
 after their tertiary education for the corporate world.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I will argue that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
school
Use synonyms
children
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 are already overwhelmed with the multiple subjects they have to study at
school
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. Schooling is a full-
time
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 activity where teachers expect the learners to sit in during teaching hours and when they are dismissed to go home, they are given assignments to complete, revise the day's subject that was studied and
also
Linking Words
 prepare for the following day's learning activities. All these are without the
time
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 these
children
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 will have to help with home chores and play with their friends as all
work
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 and no play makes Jack a dull boy. It has been proven by research that students need some
time
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 off
school
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work
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 to
rejuvenise
Correct your spelling
rejuvenate
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
with respect to their critical thinking skills. It is obvious from
this
Linking Words
 point that there's already a lot for pupils to accomplish and it will be detrimental to compound their situation.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
,addition
show examples
 there is
time
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 for everything, and I'd say
children
Use synonyms
 should be allowed to enjoy their childhood moments.
As when
Change preposition
When
show examples
 they transform
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the adult world, they will
then
Linking Words
 learn
live
Fix the infinitive
to live
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according to
Linking Words
 that standard.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I strongly disagree with the thought of making
children
Use synonyms
 do some
work
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 in the name of
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 not understanding
worklife
Correct your spelling
work
 as it isn't an appropriate thing to do. It will go a long way to burden them and lead to poor academic outcomes.
Submitted by nmaureen03 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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