There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

#music #world #country

It is certainly true that a rich variety of musical styles are played around the world.

Music

is a vital part of human culture for a range of reasons, and I strongly believe that

traditional

Correct article usage

the traditional

show examples

music

of any nation is more significant than modern international

music

Music

is something that stimulates

human

Correct article usage

the human

show examples

senses.

People

are more fascinated towards

music

, as it helps them to express and arouse their emotions. Particularly, it helps children

in developing

Wrong verb form

develop

show examples

their senses during infancy period, when they cannot speak and communicate with the world.

Besides

this

, human history has already shown that

music

brings

people

Change the word

apply

show examples

closer. When they hear any kind of

music

involve

Wrong verb form

are involved

show examples

in musical activity, they can make better relationships with others, regardless of their cultural background.

For instance

, When Lord Krishna used to play his flute, masses used to listen and dance together on the streets. In my opinion, conventional

music

is more valuable than modern international

music

This

is because

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

it supports

Correct article usage

the

show examples

culture in which it is played.

Also

, it keeps

people

connected with their roots, alongside providing significant information about ancient times.

However

, today's international

music

lacks depth and meaning. It is composed just to entertain

people

, which somehow affects the originality of

old times

Add a hyphen

old-times

show examples

music

For example

, folk

music

represents the old

people

Change noun form

people's

show examples

culture, customs and traditions that modern pop

music

cannot beat. In conclusion,

music

is closely connected to human existence, and I concur that traditional

music

has its own prominence because of its cultural identity.

Submitted by meghnabawa91 on Thu Sep 14 2023

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

251 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

Your opinion

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people claim that not enough of the waste from homes is recycled.They say that the only way to increase recycling is for government to make it a legal requirement .

The government is spending a lot of money discovering life on other planets. Some people think that governments are wasting money and should spend more money addressing the problems of the public. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays many people choose to be self- employed rather than to work for a company or organization. Why it might be the case? What could be the disadvantages if being self-employed?

In the past, when students did a university degree, they tended to study in their ‎own country. Nowadays, they have the opportunity to study abroad.What are the ‎advantages and disadvantages of this development?‎