IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The given graph shows the main sources of energy for USA in 1980 and 1990

The given graph shows the main sources of energy for USA in 1980 and 1990
The graph illustrates the primary sources of
energy
Use synonyms
 in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 from 1980 to 1990
Overall
Linking Words
, it is noticeable that the oil had the highest percentage of
energy
Use synonyms
 in
both
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the proportion of hydroelectric
power
Use synonyms
had
Verb problem
was
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 the lowest.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the percentage of coal and nuclear
power
Use synonyms
 increased in
both
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
, except
natural
Change preposition
for natural
show examples
 gas and oil.
To begin
Linking Words
 with an oil, it accounted for 42 % in 1980 which decreased in 1990.
However
Linking Words
, it was the highest sources of
energy
Use synonyms
 in
both
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
. The figure for natural gas obtained , namely 26 % which
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
dropped to 1 % in 1990 (25).
However
Linking Words
, the proportion of coal
had
Verb problem
was
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
22% which rose gradually to 27% in 1990. With regards to hydroelectric
power
Use synonyms
, it accounted for 5 % and maintained the same level in
both
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, it was the lowest source of
energy
Use synonyms
 over the period in question.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the percentage of nuclear
power
Use synonyms
 showed
significant
Add an article
a significant
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 increase, which became twice bigger compared to 1980 (10%)

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, both, years, power with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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