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Band 6.5

It is generally acknowledge that families are now not as close as they used to be. What are the possible reasons for this and what can be done to reverse the trend?

#families #trend
It is true that nowadays the relationship of families keep at a distance but they don’t do that before. There are many
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
 behind
this
 trend, and governments and societies should make much more effort to mitigate them. On the one hand, there are many
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
 why people lose their
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 today.
To begin
 with,
as a result
that
Correct word choice
apply
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new technology of communication equip them
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 have ability to access video call without consideration of locations, youngsters reckon that it is not necessary to back home to meet their parents.
Secondly
, individuals suffer from pressure from work more than they did before.
For example
, when they live in
Add an article
the agriculture
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agriculture
Replace the word
agricultural
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 economy, they just need to look after their own field,
however
Add a comma
,however
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 in the modern
city
Add a comma
,city
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 endless jobs are waiting for them so they don’t have any time to tackle the problems of
household
Add an article
the household
a household
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.
Furthermore
,
due to
stress
Correct article usage
the stress
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 of living and
cost
Correct article usage
the cost
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 of education, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
families
choose
Add the particle
tochoose
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 feed up one child,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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lead
Change the verb form
leads
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 to a household are not as tight as
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 used to be.
On the other hand
, several actions should be taken by authorities and residents to solve these problems mentioned above.
Firstly
, youngsters ought to realize the importance of parents and
Correct article usage
the
show examples
need to accompany them.
Besides
, to address the problems of
stress
Add an article
the stress
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 of work, authorities need to improve
labor
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labour
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law
Fix the agreement mistake
laws
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 to protect
worker’s
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workers’
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 free time which they can enjoy with wife or
husband
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husbands
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.
In addition
, governments have to reduce the pressure of living to reverse the population issues.
For instance
, administrations should increase investment in social welfare and education to ease the burden on residents. In conclusion, individuals’ new lifestyles and pressure are the main culprits behind the phenomenon and actions should be taken along several fronts through enhanced awareness, improved enforcement and increased investment to mitigate it.
Submitted by 915818382 on

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