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Band 6

The graph shows the proportion of tourists whoattended four place of interests in Brighton between 1980 and 2010.

The graph shows the proportion of tourists whoattended four place of interests in Brighton between 1980 and 2010.
#proportion #tourists #four #place #interests #brighton
The graph shows the proportion of tourists
whoattended
Correct your spelling
who attended
 four
place
Change to a plural noun
places
show examples
 of
interests
Fix the agreement mistake
interest
show examples
 in Brighton between 1980 and 2010.
Overall
, the
attending
Replace the word
attendance
show examples
 of
Pavilion
Correct article usage
the Pavilion
show examples
 rose,
while
 the
attending
Replace the word
attendance
show examples
 of
Art
Correct article usage
the Art
show examples
Gallery
 levelled off.
In addition
, the
attending
Replace the word
attendance
show examples
 of Festival fell steadily,
also
 the
attending
Replace the word
attendance
show examples
 of Pier,
while
 at a relatively low level, rose gradually during
this
 period. From the
graph
Add a comma
,graph
show examples
 we can see that tourists opt to attend more Pavilion than either
Art
Gallery
Fix the agreement mistake
Galleries
show examples
,
Festival
Fix the agreement mistake
Festivals
show examples
 or
Pier
Fix the agreement mistake
Piers
show examples
 throughout the period. In 1995, the
attending
Replace the word
attendance
show examples
 of
Pavilion
Correct article usage
the Pavilion
show examples
 doubled,
then
 declined to 35% in 2000,
then
 it fell steadily to 30% in 2010.
In contrast
, there was a
climbed
Change the form of the verb
climb
show examples
 in
Art
Gallery
 attending,
then
 the trend was downward in 1990. The amount
attend
Wrong verb form
attended
show examples
 had
dereased
Correct your spelling
decreased
 from almost 20% to 10% by 2010. The amount of
Festival
Fix the agreement mistake
festivals
show examples
attend
Wrong verb form
attended
show examples
 rose gradually throughout the period.
In contrast
, there was a wild fluctuation and the trend was upward. By 2010 it had been higher level as the attending of
Art
Gallery
.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast, while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words art, gallery with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fell" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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